


I Will Always Return

by blackrose1002



Category: MacGyver (TV 2016)
Genre: AU after season 2 finale, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Feelings, First Kiss, Getting Together, Guns, Gunshot Wounds, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, James MacGyver (MacGyver TV 2016) Being an Asshole, M/M, Nightmares, Sharing Clothes, Sharing a Bed, The Author Regrets Nothing, Trauma, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-09-25 15:39:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 42,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17124098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrose1002/pseuds/blackrose1002
Summary: After finding out the truth about his father and quitting the Phoenix Foundation, Mac feels lost, more than ever in his life. Without telling anyone, he re-enlists, hoping joining the Army and going away will help him to move on and put the past along with his father behind him. Even if it meant breaking his heart in the process and leaving behind the one person he loved and trusted more than anything.(AU after season two finale)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone, Merry Christmas!
> 
> The idea for this fic came to me a few days ago and I just couldn't stop thinking about it, so I had to write it. I'm thinking it's going to have around four chapters in total and I'm hoping to update as soon as I can. I got a bit carried away and the first chapter got a bit long, but I hope you don't mind and enjoy it nevertheless.
> 
> I did some research for this fic, but I left the enlisting process vague on purpose - I realize it's probably not 100% accurate, but let's ignore it, it's fiction after all :)
> 
> The title is from the song "I Will Always Return" by Bryan Adams.
> 
> I dedicate this fic to all of my MacGyver friends on tumblr - thank you so much for cheering for me ♥
> 
> And while I'm here, I just wanted to wish you Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! I hope you all have a wonderful time during the holidays. Thank you so much for reading my fics and leaving kudos and comments, they mean the world to me and I find myself reading the comments over and over pretty often and they always put a smile on my face. Thank you so much!
> 
> Enough rambling, let's get to the fic! I really hope you enjoy it and please, let me know what you thought in a comment! :)

_June 2018_

Straightening his shoulders, Mac looked at his reflection in the mirror. He had never thought he would see himself like this again, not after he came home from Afghanistan the last time, but life had a funny way of surprising him. Running his fingers through his shorter hair, he eyed the uniform he was wearing, various memories flashing in his mind – putting on the uniform for the first time in his life, his training, disarming his first IED, meeting Jack…

With a sigh, he pushed the memories away and exited the bathroom to grab his bag from the bedroom. Bozer would be home later today, the team was in a middle of some kind of briefing that Mac knew wouldn’t finish until late afternoon. Knowing the house would be empty, Mac stopped by to gather some of his personal things before he would leave, for how long he had no idea.

Since quitting his job, Mac hadn’t been living at his house. He had needed to be alone and his friends, while worried, had understood and had given him space. Knowing he wouldn’t get to be truly by himself at the house, Mac had ended up on a small ranch not far from Los Angeles that Jack had once taken him to. The owners were nice and had a few rooms to rent, there weren’t that many people there and the general atmosphere reminded Mac of Jack, so really, it was a perfect place for him to lie low for a while, trying to work through the mess that had been in his head ever since he had found out Oversight was actually his father.

Mac had spent days thinking about every word his father had said to him during their mission, reliving all of their conversations, and the more he had thought about that, the angrier he would get, the feeling often accompanied by the feeling of disappointment and betrayal. He had tried to look at things from his father’s perspective, but no matter how hard he had tried, he hadn’t been able to justify his father’s actions, and the fact that James hadn’t seem guilty _at all_ had told Mac all he needed to know. How James had thought Mac would continue working for him was beyond Mac, it had only proved that James had not known his son at all – Mac had been just a tool to him, a very useful asset, a valuable agent, but that was it. Mac hadn’t been his son ever since James had left him with his own father.

Somewhere in the process, Mac had realized that leaving his job would not be enough. In order to truly move on, to put the past and his father behind him, Mac would need to escape somewhere far away, and the second that realization had come, Mac suddenly had known exactly what he needed to do.

It hadn’t been an easy choice, but it had been the only one that had made any sense to him.

As it turned out, re-enlisting process was much simpler than enlisting for the first time. A few phone calls, a visit to a recruitment office in Los Angeles, and that was it – the Army had been more than happy to take him back, his skills were valuable and there was no such thing as too many EOD techs. Since he was re-enlisting, there was no need to send him to the basic training again – all Mac had had to do was take a few physical tests, but thanks to his job at the Phoenix Foundation he was in the best shape, so he had passed them all with flying colors. And only a few days later Mac had gotten the call that he was being shipped out to Afghanistan in the following week.

So there he was, six weeks after leaving the Phoenix, standing in his house, hours away from being sent to one place he had sworn he would never visit again. And he still hadn’t told anyone about what he had done.

He still hadn’t told Jack where he was going. That he was going _back._

Mac’s heart clenched painfully at the thought of Jack and he had to take a few deep breaths to ease the pain. He had missed Jack so much while he was away at the ranch, but he had needed to be alone to reevaluate his life, no matter how much it had hurt to be away from his partner, and Jack had respected it.

Well, mostly. Every morning Jack had called him and every time Mac had answered, they would talk for a few minutes about nothing and then they would hang up. Mac had known it was Jack’s way to check up on him and even though he had instructed everyone not to contact him, he had been grateful that Jack hadn’t listened. That way Jack had slept easier knowing Mac was maybe not okay, but at least safe, and Mac had been able to forget about the pain inside of him for at least a few short minutes a day.

But never, not even once, Mac had mentioned the re-enlisting to Jack. He had known that if he told him, Jack would have done everything in his power to stop him, and out of all people in Mac’s life, Jack was actually the only person that could have talked Mac out of it. He knew Jack would be crushed the moment he found out and if Mac was being honest, leaving Jack behind was what hurt the most about going back to the Army. Mac could barely imagine his normal life without Jack, let alone going back to the Sandbox without him, but it was something he needed to do, and he couldn’t risk Jack finding out too early and trying to stop him or god forbid, trying to go with him. Jack didn’t meet the age requirements for the Army enlisting, but Mac knew Jack would have figured out a way to go with him and Mac couldn’t let that happen – he would be damned if he let Jack anywhere near the Sandbox again.

But it didn’t change the fact that he was going to miss Jack so much. They had been basically inseparable for years and the very thought of separation filled Mac with dread and ache that he could feel deep in his bones. For what it was worth, no matter how much it hurt, Mac realized with a painful jolt that Jack was better off without him. Being around Mac wasn’t the safest place to be, but Jack had always been right there by his side, so maybe now that Mac was gone, Jack’s life would get a little easier. There wouldn’t be impromptu explosions or jumping out of the buildings, and Jack finally wouldn’t have to get a new phone every few weeks because Mac decided to use the previous one for one of his inventions. Even though Jack would probably be furious at first, Mac knew that with time he would happily appreciate it, just like most people in Mac’s life that eventually always realized that their lives were much better without Mac in it.

Jack’s happiness was all that mattered and if letting him go was the way to ensure it, it was exactly what Mac was going to do even if it meant breaking his own heart in the process. To be honest, it was his own fault that it hurt that badly – maybe it would have been easier if Mac hadn’t been stupid enough to fall in love with Jack somewhere along the way. It was by far the stupidest thing he had ever done and he had done _a lot_ of them, but falling for Jack definitely took the cake. Mac still remembered as if it was yesterday the moment when he had realized he was in love with Jack – it had been a close call, closer than Mac would like to admit, both of them barely getting out of the warehouse before it had blown up, and while they had been lying on the ground, Jack had suddenly started laughing, saying something about cheating death again, and when Mac had looked at him and had seen him smiling so widely, he had realized he had never seen anything so damn beautiful in his entire life. And he had been basically screwed ever since, but he had learned to live with the newly discovered feelings and had made peace with nothing ever changing between them. Jack would never return his feelings, but it was okay. As long as Jack never found out, it would be okay.

Mac was brought out of his thoughts by a quiet ping from his phone alerting him that the cab had just pulled up next to his house. As he closed the door behind him he glanced at the house one last time with a sad smile before walking down the driveway. After getting in the car and giving the directions to the driver, Mac shot a quick text to the team, asking them to meet him in the war room in an hour and his chest immediately tightened with guilt since he wasn’t planning on actually showing up. He knew that doing this through a video call was a shitty move, but he had figured it would be easier this way – he really couldn’t see himself walking away from Jack if he had to say goodbye to him in person.

The drive to the airport was long and Mac had spent it fiddling with a paperclip, bending it in various shapes until it looked suspiciously like the arrow shaped insignia the Deltas wore on their sleeves. As he looked at the small object, Mac smiled, remembering the day when Jack had chosen to sign up for another tour, but the warm feeling in his chest was quickly replaced by an overwhelming sadness. Refusing to let any of it show on his face, Mac pushed the memories as far away as he could, spending the rest of the drive staring straight ahead as he tried to completely clear his mind.

“Good luck out there, man.” The cab driver said when they pulled at the airport and Mac handed him the cash. Nodding in response, Mac gave him a thin smile before getting out of the car, slowly walking into the building as a feeling of finality settled inside of him.

There was no going back now.

As he found a quiet corner at the airport, Mac slid down the wall and sat down on the floor, fiddling with his phone. Taking a deep breath, he picked the Phoenix number, pressing the video call button, and it took only a couple of seconds before the war room appeared on his screen, Jack, Riley, Bozer and Matty looking at him with questioning expressions on their faces.

“Hey, guys.” Mac smiled, careful to hold his phone in a way that only his head and neck would be visible on the screen and not the uniform.

“This is not exactly what I call a meeting, Blondie.” Matty arched her eyebrow.

“Yeah, Mac, what’s up, dude?” Jack asked, walking up closer to the screen and studying the image with narrowed eyes, obviously trying to figure out where Mac was. “Where are you?”

“Sorry about that, Matty.” Mac winced. “And I’m at the airport.”

“Airport? You goin’ somewhere?” Jack asked, looking at Mac with narrowed eyes.

“Yeah, kind of.” Mac replied, stalling, trying to come up with the right way to deliver the news about his departure.

“Hang on, did you cut your hair?” Bozer suddenly asked, eyeing him suspiciously.

“Oh, yeah, Bozer is right.” Jack said slowly. “I’ve never seen it so short ever since the Sandbox. I thought you didn’t like it that short.”

“About that…” Mac trailed off, swallowing down harshly, knowing it was the time. “I…”

“Hey, bud, you’re okay?” Jack interrupted him, looking at him with concern. “You’re awfully pale there.”

“I’m… I need to tell you something.” Mac started, but he couldn’t find the words. How do you tell your friends and the man you loved more than anything about what you had done? “Jack, I’m…”

“Hey, hey, Mac.” Jack quickly said, his voice so soothing that Mac hated himself even more for what he was about to do. “Whatever it is, it’s okay and we’ll figure it out.”

Realizing there was no easy way to do this, Mac took one last deep breath before lowering his phone, so the upper part of his body would be visible, and by the sound of gasps he could tell exactly when his friends noticed the uniform.

“No.” Jack’s broken whisper was something that Mac would never be able to erase from his mind. “No, no, no…”

“Jack…” Mac started, but was immediately cut off.

“No.” Jack repeated, his eyes wild. “Tell me you’re playing us. Tell me you cut your hair for fun. Tell me you’re wearing this uniform to pull some sick prank on us, funny only to you. _Tell me._ ”

“I’m so sorry, Jack.” Mac said quietly. Seeing Jack plop down on one of the armchairs, his eyes wide while he was clearly processing what had just happened, Mac decided to use the short moment to talk to the rest of the team. “I’m really sorry, guys.” He sighed. “I’m sorry I’m leaving without a proper goodbye, but I… I figured it would be easier this way.”

“Where? And how long, Blondie?” Matty asked after a moment.

“Afghanistan. Twelve months.” Mac knew exactly what her questions were referring to. “At least.” Rubbing his eyes tiredly, Mac glanced at Jack who was sitting still, not moving and staring right ahead. “Boze, I’m sorry.” Mac shifted his gaze to Bozer who was looking at him wide, sad eyes. “I’m sorry I’m leaving you like this again.”

“It’s...” Bozer paused, looking like he still couldn’t believe what Mac had just told them. “It’s okay. I mean, it’s not, obviously, and I don’t understand why you’re doing this, but…” Bozer shrugged helplessly. “I guess you have your reasons. I’ll take care of the house.”

“Thanks, brother.” Mac said quietly and forced himself to crack a small smile. “Riles, please make sure he doesn’t burn it down during one of his cooking experiments.”

“Will do.” Riley smiled weakly. “Good luck, Mac.” She added and Mac felt awful when he saw her trying and obviously failing to discreetly wipe a few lone tears that were running down her cheeks.

“Do not get on this plane.” Jack’s quiet voice sounded suddenly, and Mac’s eyes immediately moved in his direction and when he saw the look on Jack’s face, he wished they hadn't. “I’m begging you, Mac, do not get on this plane.” Jack was looking at him with such a vulnerable expression on his face, his eyes shining with tears, and it felt as if someone ripped Mac’s heart out threw it into a blender.

“We’re gonna give you guys a moment.” Matty said gently, ushering Riley and Bozer out of the room. “Hang in there, Mac.” She added with a sad smile before leaving and closing the door.

“Mac, please.” Jack started. “Why? What the hell pushed you to do something so colossally stupid?”

“I just… I can’t stay here. I need some distance. More distance.” Mac said quietly.

“Then go on a cruise or a spa retreat!” Jack exclaimed. “I don’t care as long as it’s not the fucking Sandbox!” Taking a deep breath, Jack closed his eyes, sounding even more broken when he spoke again. “You should have told me.”

“I know.” Mac whispered. “But you’re the only person that could have convinced me not to go and I couldn’t risk it.”

“Hell yeah, I would have convinced you not to go.” Jack snarled. “And if it didn’t work, I would have tied you to a damn chair.” Rubbing his eyes, Jack sighed. “Or I would have come with you. I may not be able to enlist anymore, but I would have figured out a way to go with you.”

“And that’s the second reason why I couldn’t tell you.” Mac admitted quietly. “I couldn’t let you follow me this time. Not there.”

“Mac, I would have followed you to the ends of earth.” Jack said, looking at him with sad eyes. “Even the hell itself.”

“This is something I need to do on my own, Jack.” Mac sighed before forcing himself to give Jack a small smile. “Besides, you don’t have to protect me anymore, I quit, remember?”

“There’s so much wrong with what you’ve just said that I’m not even sure where to start.” Jack said, shaking his head disbelievingly. “First of all, ain’t no such thing as ‘on my own’ with us, Mac, that’s not how you and I roll. And second, it doesn’t matter that you quit, protecting you will always be my job.” Crossing his arms, Jack briefly closed his eyes before looking at Mac earnestly. “Do you know why I haven’t quit the moment you have?” Not waiting for Mac to reply, Jack continued. “I stayed because I hoped your asshole of a father would retire or somethin’ and you could come back. But I had my resignation prepared and I was ready to hand it in next week if he didn’t do anything.”

“Jack, no.” Mac said, horrified. “This is your career we’re talking about, you love this job.”

“God dammit, Mac.” Jack growled in exasperation. “Don’t you get that I don’t care about this job if I don’t get to do it with you?”

As he felt his heart break for the umpteenth time in the last ten minutes or so, Mac was once again glad he had decided to have this conversation through a video call otherwise he knew he would not be able to leave Jack behind. Glancing at his watch, he realized he didn’t have much time left and even though it would kill him a little inside, he had to wrap the conversation up.

“Jack, please, promise me.” Mac pleaded. “Don’t quit. And don’t follow me. They all need you, Riley and Bozer, even Matty.”

“What about you, huh?” Jack stepped even closer to the screen. “You’re sayin’ you don’t need me anymore?”

Clutching his phone so tightly that it was a wonder it didn’t break, Mac swallowed down the words he desperately wanted to say. _I will always need you_. “I will be okay. But I need you to promise me you’ll stay put. Please, Jack.” Mac looked at his partner intensely. “Promise me.”

“I hate this.” Jack whispered and Mac could see in Jack’s body language that he had given up. “But I promise.”

Silence fell between them as they looked at each for a moment, and Mac just knew that the image of Jack’s sorrowful face and the sound of his broken voice would haunt him every day while he was away. “I have to go.” Mac eventually said, reluctantly, but if he didn’t end the call soon, there was no way he would be able to keep his emotions in check.

“Mac, I…” Jack started his eyes watery as he looked at him with urgency. “Promise me you’ll come back.”

“Jack, you know I can’t promise that.” Mac said quietly, his heart cracking yet again when he saw the tears in Jack’s eyes that threatened to spill over any second now. “I can promise to do my best though.” He added, meaning every word – he would do everything in his power to come back to Jack, as long as Jack wanted him to.

Nodding, Jack wiped his eyes hastily. “Keep in touch, okay?”

“Yeah.” Mac whispered and after a moment, his hands trembling slightly, he spoke the words he had been dreading since the moment the video call had begun. “Goodbye, Jack.”

Urgently pressing the red button on the screen, Mac hung up, squeezing his eyes shut and breathing slowly in and out, hoping to ease the burning pain in his chest. Mac had always been good at compartmentalizing and hiding what he was truly feeling, he had had years of practice, so after a few minutes and one final deep breath, he stood up, his hands once again steady as he picked up his bag and headed in the direction of where the plane was waiting.

It was time.

* * *

As the screen in the war room went black, Jack stood motionlessly in the middle, feeling as if his entire universe had collapsed. Distantly, he could hear the door opening and the sound of footsteps, and he didn’t have to turn around to know it was the rest of the team. Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Jack opened his mouth, but no sound came out, so he closed his eyes for a moment, and then tried again.

“He’s gone.” He said, his voice hoarse, and almost immediately he felt a pair of arms wrap around him; probably Riley’s, but Jack couldn’t be sure since he had yet to tear his gaze away from the screen where he had seen Mac’s face just a few minutes before, probably the last time for god knew how long. The reality crashed into him suddenly and Jack gave up trying to stop the tears from streaming down his face. “He’s gone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any typos - I read it over a few times, but I might have missed something :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter two! I probably won't update again before New Year's Eve, so Happy New Year to all of you! ♥

_July 2018_

Afghanistan was just as Mac had remembered, it was hot, it was dry, and the Forward Operating Base Collins in the Logar province had not changed one bit. Mac wasn’t sure if it was a coincidence or if he had been sent to the exact same place where had been stationed in 2011 on purpose because he was already familiar with the area, but whichever it was, Mac couldn’t help but shudder the moment he got there. He had many memories associated with that place and while there were a few good ones, like Jack telling him he had decided to sign up for another tour, there was more of the bad ones – the day of the thousand IEDs, Peña’s death, Jack stumbling upon the bomb that only had two minutes left on the clock, and these were just a few.

The first days after Mac got to the base were slow and uneventful. He hadn’t been assigned an overwatch yet and there wasn’t much hostile activity in the area, so Mac decided to use the time to get used to his new reality and learn how to live on base all over again. Thankfully or not, Mac had yet to decide which one it was, it turned out it was like a muscle memory and he fell back into the routine with a minimal effort. It took a while longer to get used to the chain of command all over again, but Mac set his teeth and kept his head down – he wasn’t looking for any trouble right in the beginning of his tour. The other guys seemed friendly enough, but Mac didn’t feel like socializing and kept mostly to himself, just like he had during his first tour after Charlie had shipped out and before he had met Jack. Even though they had not gotten along at first, far from it, Jack had always been around Mac ever since he had been assigned as his overwatch, not just out in the field, but also while they had been on the base. _You’re a sarcastic little shit, Carl’s Junior, and someone’s eventually gonna go for your teeth for somethin’ you bark back and it’s my job to stop’em,_ Jack had said, rolling his eyes when Mac had called him out on it, and while Mac had rolled his eyes back at him, saying something about fighting his own battles by himself just fine, Mac remembered being weirdly touched by Jack’s words – it had been the first time someone had his back like that since Bozer back in school.

It was two weeks after got to the base when the first orders came.

“MacGyver, you’re up!” His CO called out and Mac was instantly on his feet. “One of our units is taking fire, but before it started they reported a suspicious object in one of the alleys. Since you don’t have an overwatch yet, Anderson will go with you, so you don’t fly solo.”

After gearing up, Mac got into the Humvee with the guy his CO had mentioned. It felt weird, sitting in a Humvee with someone that wasn’t Jack, but Mac pushed the feeling away, not wanting anything to distract him. Following the coordinates sent by the unit, Anderson drove, watching the road carefully, and before Mac knew it, they reached their destination. Getting out of the car, Mac immediately spotted the object the unit had reported seeing, and deep down he already knew that they were right and it was a bomb. Leaving the car and Anderson behind in the safe distance from the device, Mac headed into the alley, his eyes trained on the box in front of him.

Slowing down as he got closer, Mac made his way to the bomb, kneeling carefully as he studied the device closely. He could hear the gunfire in the background, the steady sound of the bullets flying around, but he muted it as much as possible, focusing solely on the bomb in front of him. It looked fairly simple, nothing too complicated – a person that had built it obviously wasn’t an expert and had put it together quickly and without much planning. Taking his knife out, he pulled out the scissors and he was about to cut the wire when he was suddenly hit with a feeling that something was not right, something was very wrong and he couldn’t tell what it was. Suddenly, he felt like he couldn’t breathe and, in terror, he noticed the small tremor in his hands, and that was something that had never happened to him while disarming a bomb, his hands were always steady, but now he couldn’t breathe and it felt like he was falling.

Pulling his hands away from the bomb, Mac closed his eyes, trying to breathe in and out to calm himself, but it wasn’t working, he could feel his palms sweating and he didn’t understand, he didn’t know what was going on, until it hit him suddenly like a ton of bricks.

While the bomb might have been easy to disarm and quite stable, the situation around him was definitely not, there was danger in the air, so evident that Mac could almost taste it, and in that moment he realized how completely alone he was. Trying to disarm the bomb with god knew how many armed hostiles in a close proximity lurking in the shadows, and the only person watching his back was someone that Mac didn’t even know, let alone trusted. As his hands continued to tremble, Mac closed his eyes because for the first time in a very long time he was scared, absolutely petrified, and there was no time for that, he needed to calm down, he needed to focus, he needed…

He needed Jack.

But Jack wasn’t there because Mac had left him behind, because Mac had chosen to come back by himself, Jack wasn’t there because Mac had insisted he would be okay without him.

God, he was officially an idiot.

 _Get a grip and disarm the damn thing because you ain’t goin’ kaboom without me by your side, man,_ a voice sounding suspiciously like Jack suddenly rang in his head and Mac’s eyes snapped open. _You can do this in your sleep, snip-snip and get the hell outta here,_ the voice sounded again and suddenly his hands were once again steady. Holding his breath to stop his chest from heaving violently, Mac reached forward, quickly finding the right wire, and he cut it with no hesitation. As his heart pounded wildly, Mac gave the device another once-over, making sure it was disarmed, and then reached for his radio.

“Snakebite One Four, this is Snakebite One Two. The device has been neutralized, over.”

“Copy.” The radio creaked a few seconds later. “Pack it up and return to base. Over.”

“Roger. Out.”

Forcing himself to stand, Mac carefully lifted the package and made his way back to the Humvee where Anderson was waiting. “Took you long enough.” The soldier muttered and usually Mac would have rolled his eyes, but he was still too rattled from what had just happened and his main focus was on making sure none of what he was feeling showed on his face.

“Better safe than sorry.” He responded curtly as he separated the explosives from the mechanism and set everything in the back of the car, hoping Anderson would buy him being really thorough as the reason why it had taken him so long to defuse the bomb. The luck must have been on his side that day because Anderson didn’t press any further, and they both got into the car.

The drive back to base was silent and Mac’s thoughts wandered back to the realization that had come to him when he had frozen while leaning over the bomb. Feeling his hands tremble again at the mere thought of it, Mac balled his hands into tight fists so the tremor wouldn’t be visible, and he stared out the window, realizing how badly he had messed up.

It had been so foolish of him to think he could just go back to the Sandbox, back to defusing bombs in a middle of the warzone as if he never stopped. And thinking he would be just fine all by himself, without Jack by his side, had to be the most idiotic thing he had ever done in his life. The worst thing, however, was that no matter how lost he had felt in Los Angeles after quitting the Phoenix Foundation, he felt even more lost right now in Afghanistan, thousands of miles away from the one person that was capable of putting him back together when he was in pieces. He was alone, thousands of miles away from Jack, and all of that by his own choice.

Turning his head away from Anderson, Mac closed his eyes, swallowing the lump in his throat, his hands shaking so violently he could barely hide it.

What had he done?

* * *

Jack was sitting in the war room, cleaning his weapon and trying to clear his mind. It had been two weeks since Mac had left making it two weeks since Jack had slept through the entire night peacefully. Every night he ended up either lying wide awake, staring at the ceiling or if he managed to fall asleep, he would be woken up by various nightmares involving Mac. The scenarios changed every night, but the conclusion was always the same – Mac would die every single time because Jack wasn’t there to have his back.

After every nightmare Jack had to fight the urge to ask Matty to check if the CIA didn’t need anyone to gather intel in the Middle East, anything that would get him closer to Mac. The only thing stopping him from begging Matty to send him out was the promise Mac had forced him to make. Jack had never broken any of his promises to Mac and he wasn’t about to break one now, no matter how much it was killing him.

Instead, Jack resolved to keeping busy as much as could. He would stay at the Phoenix after hours, doing inventory in the armory, practicing at the range, rewriting his old missions reports which was something he usually loathed, or hanging out in the war room just like now – anything to keep him from going home and lying down in his bed where the nightmares were already waiting for him.

He had just finished cleaning his gun and was about to get started on his backup when the door opened behind him. Expecting Matty, Jack tensed when he heard an entirely different voice, a voice belonging to the last person Jack wanted to interact with.

“Agent Dalton. May I have a word?”

“Oversight.” Jack replied calmly without turning around, continuing to disassemble his gun to keep his hands busy and prevent himself from doing something stupid, like punching his boss. “I don’t suppose a simple no from me is gonna stop ya, so sure, why not.”

 “I’d like you to fill me in on my son’s location.” James MacGyver said, stepping closer and sitting on the armchair in front of Jack.

“You’re assuming I know where he is.” Jack shrugged, glancing at James with his eyebrow arched. “Besides, where’s that sudden interest coming from? He quit two months ago.”

“If anyone knows where Angus is, it’s you, Dalton.” James replied and the smirk on his face made Jack’s blood boil. “And I’ve been able to track him until two weeks ago when he basically fell of the grid.”

“Track him? You make him sound like an animal that has escaped from the zoo.” Jack scoffed. “What, did ya ping his phone or somethin’?” He asked and the smug look on James’ face told him everything he needed to know. “Of course you did.” Jack shook his head in disapproval as he got back to cleaning his weapon. “How classy.”

Leaning back, James studied Jack with narrowed eyes for a few seconds. “I was under the impression that you actually wanted me to try and work things out with Angus, yet your current attitude says completely otherwise.”

“That was before you told him it was his fault that you left him.” Jack replied without missing a beat, glaring at James, his blood pressure rising as he remembered the look on Mac’s face when he had told him about the conversation he had had with James back in Mexico. He might have wanted Mac to give his father a chance to explain, but when it had become clear that James had apparently expected to get back into Mac’s life easily without even a simple apology after basically putting all the blame on Mac, Jack’s attitude towards him had shifted instantly. The fact that if it hadn’t been for Mac’s persistence in trying to find him, James would have continued to live in the shadows, trying to control Mac’s life from the backstage, didn’t help his cause either, putting James MacGyver officially in Jack Dalton’s bad books – Jack would do anything in his power to prevent James from hurting Mac again if it was the last damn thing he did in his life.

“I see.” James stood up, taking a few steps in the direction of the door. “So you’re not going to tell me where he is.”

“Oh, I’m gonna tell ya.” Jack said coldly and James turned back to look at him again, surprise evident in his eyes. “Not where he is because I don’t know that, but I’m gonna tell you what he did.” That wasn’t entirely true since Jack knew _exactly_ where Mac was, down to the base he was stationed at, but he wasn’t going to tell James that, he was sure Mac wanted to keep his location a secret as long as possible. “Maybe then you’ll realize how badly you fucked your son up.”

Pausing to let James stew for a bit, Jack finished assembling his backup with a quiet click and put it in his ankle holster before standing up. “He re-enlisted.” He eventually said, looking straight into James’ shocked eyes. “He went back to the Army to get as far away from you as he could.”

“And you didn’t think to stop him?” James asked, his fists clenched as he started pacing in the war room.

“Do you honestly think Mac is that stupid?” Jack rolled his eyes. “He called us from the airport, minutes before shipping out, so that no one could reach him before getting on that plane.”

“You should have convinced him not to go.” James growled and it was only by some kind of miracle that Jack was able to restrain himself and not punch him or worse, shoot him.

“You think I haven’t tried?” Jack asked quietly, and anyone who knew him knew that a quiet, calm Jack was far more deadly and dangerous than a yelling one. “But Mac is stubborn, the most stubborn person I’ve ever met, and once he sets his mind to somethin’, there’s no goin’ back.” Watching James run his fingers through his hair, Jack crossed his arms. “Ya know what else would be nice? You not tryin’ to put the blame on others and maybe accepting it yourself for once.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” James looked at him menacingly, but Jack didn’t even flinch. There were only a few things in the world that scared him and James MacGyver definitely wasn’t one of them.

“I’m not the reason he went back to the Army, you are. And honestly, after what you’ve done, man? I don’t blame him.” Jack continued in his quiet, low voice. “Do I wish he didn’t take such drastic measures? Of course I do. But I’m not blaming him for wanting to get away. Not after his entire world has basically crumpled around him when he found out you’ve been playing a puppet master all his life.”

Silence followed his words and in any other circumstances, Jack would have congratulated himself for rendering a MacGyver speechless. It was almost impossible to make Mac lost for words and Jack suspected it was the same with his father, but in that moment Jack simply didn’t care. Gathering his things, Jack headed out of the room, stopping in the doorway to glance at James one more time.

“Thanks for the chat, Oversight.”

Not waiting for James’ reaction or reply, Jack walked out of the room, quickly heading down the stairs and to the garage, not wanting to be in the near proximity of James MacGyver for even a second longer. As he got into his car, he leaned his head against the headrest, closing his eyes and breathing in and out for a few moments, trying to push away the fury that had threatened to roar out of him the moment Oversight had stepped into the war room.

Feeling the anger slowly seep out of his body, Jack grabbed his phone and opened the e-mail he had gotten from Mac a few days before, and he involuntarily smiled when his eyes fell on the words he had already memorized. Mac was complaining about the heat and asking Jack if he remembered how they used to deal with sand getting absolutely anywhere, and Jack’s heart skipped a beat when he read the sentences written in a way so familiar and so _Mac_ that Jack felt like crying.

God, he loved this man so much.

He didn’t let himself think about these feelings too often in fear of accidentally slipping up and making it obvious for people around him that he was in love with his partner. He only ever allowed himself to think about Mac in this way when he was alone in his apartment or in his car, only then he acknowledged his feelings, for just a few moments before tucking them away again, hiding them far in the back of his mind where they were safe from anyone ever finding out about them.

Especially from Mac.

Jack knew there was no chance for Mac to return his feelings and he had come to terms with it a long time ago, probably the moment he had realized he was in love with Mac. He remembered it so clearly, they had been sitting on the deck in Mac’s house and Jack had cracked some stupid joke which had made Mac start laughing uncontrollably, and in that moment Jack had realized that making Mac laugh like that was all he wanted to do for the rest of his days. And Jack was fine with going just as they were, as long as he got to keep Mac in his life.

As his eyes swept over Mac’s e-mail, Jack could feel himself tearing up. He wasn’t much of a believer, but he had prayed, every day since Mac had left, and he would continue to pray for Mac to get back home safely until the very moment he had him back in his arms. Because if anything ever happened to Mac, Jack wasn’t sure he would be able to keep going.

With a sigh, Jack put his phone away and wiped his eyes. After starting the engine he drove out of the garage and reluctantly headed in the direction of his apartment. He had been stalling long enough, but it was time to go home.

Where darkness and nightmares awaited him patiently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave a comment and let me know what you thought! ♥


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> Happy New Year, everyone! Chapter 3, here we go! Just a warning, it got a bit... long ;)
> 
> Special shoutout to [BlackVultures](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVultures/pseuds/BlackVultures) who broke me today with her fic (check it out, it's amazing), I hope you like this chapter!

_August 2018_

With a sigh, Jack slowly unpacked his tac vest and placed it back on its hook in the armory. They had just gotten back from a mission in Bolivia, a long op that had gone wrong at least three times, and Jack was absolutely exhausted. But even though everybody had headed home straight from the airport, Jack had opted to go back to Phoenix, wanting to put away all the gear so he wouldn’t have to do it later.

At least that was the excuse he had given to the rest of the team.

Taking off his thigh holster, Jack winced as his body screamed in protest, still sore after the explosion they all had had a pleasure to be in the middle of. But, Jack supposed, that was bound to happen eventually when you didn’t have your resident bomb defusing genius with you to help with that particular problem.

“I thought I told you all to go home.” A voice made Jack jump and when he spun around, he was faced with Matty looking at him with narrowed eyes.

“Jesus Christ, Matty.” Jack breathed out, leaning against the table. “You’re gonna give me a heart attack one day, poppin’ out of thin air like that.”

“Why are you here, Jack?” Matty asked and Jack chose to ignore how she looked a bit too smug about catching him off guard.

“I figured I’d put away all that stuff right away, so I wouldn’t have to deal with it later.” Jack shrugged, unclasping the thigh holster and setting it aside.

“Nice try, Dalton.” Matty rolled her eyes. “Look, I know the last month has been hard for you, but you can’t keep going on like this.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Jack replied, taking the clips out of the guns and turning away from Matty to put them away.

“Jack.” Matty said softly and Jack briefly closed his eyes, knowing she was onto him. “You think I don’t know what you’ve been doing? Staying late every day, keeping busy? Not sleeping?”

“Matty, I…”

“It’s going to sound cruel, Jack, but I need you to put yourself together.” Matty continued, looking at him earnestly. “I can’t risk having you in the field when you’re not at your best. Usually I would send you on a mandatory leave, but…” Hearing that, Jack instantly turned around, his eyes wide and he was ready to beg Matty not to do it when she raised her hand to stop him. “But I know that right now work is the only thing keeping you sane, so I’m not going to do that.”

“Thank you.” Jack said quietly, leaning against the wall with relief.

“But I mean it, Jack, you need to take a better care of yourself.” Matty walked up to him, looking at him softly. “I know you’re worried about Mac, we all are, but you need to trust him and believe that he can handle himself.”

“There’s no one that believes more in him than me, Matty.” Jack sighed. “It’s people watching his back that I don’t trust.”

“I’m sure Mac has been assigned someone that’s fully competent, Jack.”

“You don’t understand, Matty.” Jack shook his head. “Watching Mac’s back ain’t that easy. It takes a special kind of skills and knowledge, and it’s somethin’ none of these guys have.” Sighing, Jack slid down the wall to sit on the floor. “That person watching his back, he doesn’t know that when Mac runs off you need to go after him immediately. He doesn’t know that Mac will follow his gut over anyone’s orders and that there’s no stopping him.” Jack was aware that his voice was breaking slightly, but he didn’t care. “This guy doesn’t know that Mac’s brain works in its own mysterious ways and that his ideas, no matter how crazy they may seem, are usually the best solution to any given problem. And he doesn’t know that when Mac asks for your sat phone and chewing gum, you need to give them to him right away unless you wanna get blown away to the next dimension.”

After getting it all out, Jack leaned his head against the wall, closing his eyes. He was tired, so tired, both from the lack of sleep and worrying about Mac, and he feared that he would fall apart any day now. “It’s not Mac’s abilities I’m worried about, Matty.” Jack whispered after a moment of silence. “It’s all the things around him he can’t control that keep me up at night.”

* * *

It had been a few weeks since the day he had to disarm his first bomb during this deployment, also known as the day when Mac had almost lost it while leaning over the bomb as he had realized that coming to Afghanistan might have been the stupidest idea he had ever had.  It seemed like that day was some kind of a trigger, a welcoming gift, because ever since that first bomb, there wasn’t a day when Mac didn’t have at least three bombs to disarm. He had been assigned an overwatch since then, a guy named John Wilson who was a pretty normal guy as far as Mac knew. They weren’t friends, they didn’t talk much and Wilson was never around while they were on base, but he seemed fine, even if he sometimes eyed Mac suspiciously when he did something not exactly ordinary while defusing a bomb, but that was normal – it always took a while for people to get used to the way he worked.

What wasn’t normal, was the feeling of uneasiness that accompanied Mac every time they were in the field. It didn’t matter that Wilson seemed like he was a well-trained soldier, whenever Mac was kneeling next to a device, there was this constant fear of something bad happening in the back of his mind every time he reached for the bomb. Mac managed to keep it under control, usually by thinking of Jack, his voice and what Jack would have said. It helped a lot, but Mac knew that he had to put himself back together because eventually his luck was going to run out and he was going to make a mistake because he was distracted, and it would probably be sooner rather than later. Logically he knew that Wilson was watching his back, but trust was something that never came easily to Mac. _You seemed to trust Jack right away, though, even when he was pissing you off,_ an annoying voice whispered in Mac’s head, and no matter how much he tried to ignore it, it was impossible to disagree with it – Mac had never felt unsafe while Jack was with him, not even once, even though they pretty much hated each other when they first met.

But Mac would figure it all out, he always did. For now, he was just doing his job, waking up, disarming bombs, going to bed, and so on, the cycle never stopped. Wilson was there to watch his back, Mac had the voice of Jack inside his head, and he was okay, everything was fine.

Until the day that it wasn’t.

They were receiving multiple reports about suspicious activity in the area and according to the patrolling units, there was a big chance at least one IED had been placed somewhere in one of the local towns nearby, so Mac and Wilson were sent there to try and find it. So there Mac was, crossing another alley of the small map he had and experiencing a major déjà vu, his mind taking him back to almost identical situation during his 2011 tour, searching for an IED and arguing with Jack who had insisted they should head back to the base.

And judging by the look on Wilson’s face who was standing nearby and talking on the radio, Mac had a feeling he was about to have the same discussion with him. But deep in his gut he knew there was a bomb somewhere in that town, just like he had known in 2011. And just like in 2011, he wasn’t about to ignore what his gut was telling him.

“MacGyver!” Wilson called out, putting the radio away. “We’ve got the orders to head back since there’s nothing here.”

“We don’t know that yet.” Mac replied, not looking up from his map.

“Come on, man, we’ve been here for hours.” Wilson walked up closer. “Orders are orders, let’s go.”

“There’s a bomb here, I can feel it.” Mac said, repeating the same words he had said to Jack seven years ago. “I’m not going anywhere until I find it.” He added, putting the map away after finally picking the next alley to check.

“Are you seriously going to follow a hunch instead of orders?” Wilson asked, looking at him as if he was crazy.

“Yes.” Mac replied simply, already heading in the direction of the alley. “It worked out for me the last time and I’m not about to risk it now.”

He could hear Wilson mutter something quietly behind his back, but Mac didn’t pay him much attention, walking faster, determined to find the bomb because even though it might have not seemed like it, Mac wanted to get out of there quickly as well. The difference between him and Wilson was that Mac would not leave unless he was one hundred percent sure the area was clear and there were no devices left hidden somewhere in town.

As he stepped into the empty alley, Mac slowed down, his eyes scanning every inch carefully, trying to spot anything that could be a disguised IED. It was quiet around him, so quiet that Mac could hear his own heart pounding in his chest. Usually Mac found silence comforting, but this time it felt more like the lull before the storm, and Mac couldn’t help but glance over his shoulder every minute or so, not wanting to be caught off guard by some armed hostiles like he had back in 2011.

About halfway down the alley, something on the right caught Mac’s eye, a small object neatly tucked away next to a big wooden crate. Slowly, Mac walked closer and the moment he got a good look at the thing, he instantly knew it was a bomb. It wasn’t even disguised, just a bunch of explosives put in a box, but as he kneeled down to examine it, Mac noticed the mechanism looked a bit more complicated than the average IEDs he had been disarming lately. Whoever had built it must have had at least some previous experience with building bombs, but thankfully the device still wasn’t that hard to disarm and it only took a few moments for Mac to figure out what he needed to do. He let out the breath he was holding when he cut the last wire and the light on the device stopped glowing, but the feeling of relief quickly vanished when he heard the sound of footsteps echoing in the alley.

Carefully, Mac peeked out from behind the crate that was thankfully covering him and quickly pulled back when he saw an armed man slowly approaching his position. Not wasting any time, Mac reached for his radio.

“Hey, Wilson.” He spoke quietly. “I’m about to have some company, so I could use your help here.”

“No can do, MacGyver.” Wilson responded seconds later and Mac frowned. “That’s what you get for ignoring orders and running away like that.”

“What?” Mac breathed out, his eyes wide in shock. “You can’t be serious.”

“You’re on your own, MacGyver.”

As the sound of footsteps got louder, Mac pushed to the back of his mind the fact that he had been basically abandoned by his overwatch, and inched closer to the crate, getting ready to strike. He could hold his own in a fight just fine, he had taken on worse guys in the past and had come out victorious, so dealing with that one man should not be a problem, but for some reason it felt different than during his missions with the Phoenix. Ignoring the voice in his head that kept whispering _everybody always leaves you,_ Mac focused on the footsteps and when they were close enough, he jumped out from behind the crate, his fist colliding with the hostile’s face before the man even realized what was going on. As the man stumbled, Mac quickly reached for his machine gun, snatching it from his hands and whacking the man’s head with the gun’s end, effectively knocking him out.

After double checking the man was out cold, Mac took a deep breath to calm his racing heart. Knowing it was not the time nor place to dwell on what had just happened, Mac grabbed both the gun and the disarmed bomb, not wanting to leave anything behind that could be potentially re-used, and headed back in the direction of the square where Wilson was waiting.

Unless he drove away, leaving Mac behind in this damn town. After what had happened mere minutes ago, Mac realized he couldn’t rule out this possibility.

Hurriedly exiting the alley, Mac saw that the Humvee was still there along with Wilson who was leaning against the car, weapon in his hands. “I see you made it out alive.” Wilson commented snidely when Mac was close enough.

“Not thanks to you.” Mac snapped. “What the hell was that?!”

“A lesson.” Wilson shrugged as if nothing was wrong. “Maybe now you’ll learn not to run off ignoring orders.”

“That’s your way of teaching a lesson?” Mac gritted through his clenched teeth, memories of his father’s various lessons flashing in his mind. “You’re supposed to have my back.”

“I’m not going to chase you around like a dog.”

 “Oh, so you expected we’d be finding IEDs in plain sight in the main squares? I’ll be sure to pass on your complaint the next time I come across one of these guys with guns.” Mac growled. “Which, judging by the stunt you have just pulled, will probably happen sooner than later.”

“Not if you just follow orders.” Wilson opened the car door on the driver’s side. “You can’t tell me your previous overwatches put up with this kind of behavior.”

 _My previous overwatch would put a bullet in your head for what you’ve just done,_ Mac thought, inwardly wincing when he imagined what Jack’s reaction would be if he found out about what had happened.

“My previous overwatch trusted me and my instincts.” Mac said icily. “I’ve found the bomb, by the way. I was right.”

“Not worth the risk.” Wilson scoffed. “And you got lucky. Now, we should get back. Unless you’re planning on breaking more rules today.”

“That’s it?” Mac couldn’t believe what he was witnessing. “You really don’t see how wrong you are?”

“Don’t be a baby, MacGyver.” Wilson rolled his eyes, getting inside the car, apparently done with their conversation. It took Mac a few seconds, but eventually he got into the car as well, not wanting to risk being left behind again, still trying to wrap his mind around everything that Wilson had told him. It didn’t make any sense and it was wrong in every meaning of the word, but it was obvious that Wilson truly believed in what he was saying and if Mac had been feeling uneasy in the field before, now he was truly scared about what could happen the next time they got called to an IED.

How was he supposed to do his job while he couldn’t trust his overwatch to do his?

Refusing to look at Wilson, Mac kept his eyes trained on the road ahead of them. As the conversation with Wilson rang repeatedly in his mind, Mac found himself wanting nothing more than to get on Skype and call Jack. He was literally aching to hear Jack’s voice, to see his face even if only on a computer screen, and to tell him everything.

Tell him about knowing in his gut the bomb had been hidden somewhere _._

About radioing for help and Wilson not showing up.

About Wilson basically telling him that Mac wasn’t worth saving.

And how he missed him every single day and how he had made a mistake coming back.

How he just wanted to go home.

The moment that thought crossed his mind, Mac cursed himself. He sounded just like a kid sent to a summer camp that wanted to go home because he didn’t like it there, crying while on the phone with his parents, begging them to come and take him home.

Briefly Mac wondered what Jack would do if Mac asked him to come and take him home, but he quickly pushed the thought as far as away as he could, hating that it even came to his mind in the first place. He wasn’t a child and it wasn’t like anyone had sent him to Afghanistan – he was there solely by his own choice and had no one else to blame but himself. And no matter how much Mac longed to talk to Jack and tell him about everything, he knew that it wasn’t fair to burden Jack with his problems. He had lost this right the moment he had quit the Phoenix. They weren’t partners anymore, Jack was finally free of him and didn’t have to endure Mac annoying him with his troubles, and he was probably quite pleased with that, so Mac sure as hell wasn’t going to ruin it all by whining to him on Skype about his poor life choices.

With a start, Mac realized they reached the base and breathed out in relief when Wilson killed the engine. Getting out of the car, Mac didn’t look back at him even once and started walking away quickly, not wanting to spend another second around him. After putting his gear away, Mac briefly considered heading to the area with the computers available for everyone on the base to write an email to Jack, but decided against it. He needed to get his head back in check before contacting Jack in any way, so he wouldn’t risk slipping up and accidentally letting Jack know he wasn’t as fine as he claimed to be. Having nowhere else to be, Mac headed to the living quarters, lying down on his bed and closing his eyes for a few moments. After taking a few deep breaths, he reached into his pocket and took out a paperclip. Hoping it would help to take his mind off things, he started bending it carefully and forming it in different shapes. Unfortunately, it seemed that his mind wasn’t that easily deterred because the first shape that came out from under his fingers was the state of Texas and the second one was the Delta symbol. Giving up trying to block Jack out of his mind, Mac continued to bend the paperclip into various forms that reminded him of his former partner, losing the track of time completely.

“Hey, MacGyver.” After a while a voice broke him out of his thoughts and Mac stopped fiddling with the paperclip, turning his head to look at Matt Ellis, a fellow EOD tech that occupied the bottom bunk next to Mac’s. Mac wasn’t really hanging out with any of the guys around the base, but Ellis and he talked sometimes, especially in the evenings when Mac was often bored out of his mind. “You good? You seem off.”

“Nah, I’m fine.” Mac replied with a shrug. “Just tired, I guess. It’s been a long day.”

“You sure?” Ellis looked at him dubiously. “Wilson didn’t do anything, did he?”

“What?” Mac frowned, hoping the surprise didn’t show on his face. How could Ellis possibly know? “No, it’s all good, but… where’s that coming from?”

“Look, we all know around here that Wilson is… difficult.” Ellis said, his voice getting lower. “It’s not obvious at first, but there’s a reason no EOD tech wants to work with him.”

“I wonder why.” Mac said dryly under his breath, but loud enough for Ellis to hear him.

“So something did happen.” Ellis looked at him knowingly with a small wince.

“It’s nothing.” Mac shrugged, not wanting to complain and dwell on what had happened. “You worked with him?”

“No, I got lucky in the overwatch department.” Ellis shook his head with a smile, gesturing at the top bunk above his, currently empty. “I’ve got Luke Robbins and there’s no one else I’d rather have with me in the field.”

“How long have you been paired up together?” Mac asked curiously.

“It’s our third tour together.” Ellis replied. “No one I trust more than him, although we did hate each other’s guts at first.”

Scoffing, Mac smiled, remembering himself and Jack when they first met. “Sounds familiar.” Seeing Ellis look at him questioningly, Mac continued. “My previous overwatch and I, during my first tour.”

“I didn’t know it’s your second tour.” Ellis raised his eyebrows in surprise.

“Yeah, I was here in 2011, then got discharged.” Mac shrugged. “Now I’m back.”

“That’s a long break.” Ellis commented with a whistle. “What made you come back?”

Taking a deep breath, Mac wondered how to reply without revealing the real reason for his actions. “It’s just... It seemed like a right thing to do.” He eventually said, hoping it would be enough.

“Well.” Ellis arched his eyebrow. “Whatever it is that you’re running from must be pretty awful if you’d rather be here than deal with it.” Mac immediately opened his mouth to deny it, but Ellis quickly raised his hands placatingly. “Hey, relax. It’s none of my business. Besides, I’m more curious about that overwatch of yours.”

Grateful for the change of the subject, Mac smiled – he could talk about Jack all day. “We did not get along at all at first.” He started. “But with some time he grew to be the person I trusted the most. I still do.”

“You keep in touch?”

“Oh, yeah, we actually got out together back in 2011 and until recently we’ve been working together as well.” Mac said with a small smile, trying to ignore the small pang in his heart at the thought of not working with Jack anymore.

“He didn’t come back here with you?”

“I haven’t told him I re-enlisted until I was at the airport and about to get on the plane.” Mac winced, remembering the look on Jack’s face. He had been right, his broken voice and tears in his eyes were haunting Mac every day. “I couldn’t put him through this again.”

“I get that.” Ellis nodded and they were both quiet for a moment before Ellis smirked. “So, I’m guessing Wilson doesn’t even compare?”

“God, no.” Mac snorted. “Besides, Jack used to be in Delta Force which often came in handy.”

“You’re kidding!” Ellis exclaimed. “Luke’s a former Delta too, hang on.” Ellis straightened and looked around. “YO, ROBBINS!” He yelled in a direction of a group of guys, one of them immediately turning around. “Get your ass here for a moment!”

With no hesitation, the soldier left the group behind, quickly walking up to them, eyeing Mac curiously. “What’s up?”

“MacGyver and I got to talking about overwatches and I was just telling him how I got stuck with the worst one ever…” Ellis started, but Robbins immediately cut him off.

“You know what they say, the worse EOD tech, the worse overwatch.”

Mac couldn’t help but laugh at their banter, it was almost like listening to himself and Jack.

“Anyway.” Ellis continued, glaring at Robbins with a certain fondness. “It turns out MacGyver’s first overwatch in 2011 was a Delta just like you.”

“Nice!” Robbins grinned. “Any chance I know him?”

“Well, it’s been around ten years since he left the force, so I’m not sure?” Mac looked at him thoughtfully. “His name’s Jack Dalton.”

“Wait a second, Jack Dalton?” Robbins’ eyes widened. “ _The_ Jack Dalton was your overwatch?”

Exchanging questioning looks with Ellis, Mac realized that Ellis was just as confused as he was. “I’ve never met him, but they told us about him during our training, the dude is a freaking legend.” Robbins started rambling. “He holds all the records and nobody has been able to break them for years.”

Mac couldn’t help but smile widely as the warm feeling of pride filled his heart. “It would go straight to his head if he heard you talk about him like that.” He said, knowing damn well Jack would probably gloat for hours if not days.

“I’m sure MacGyver could get you an autograph.” Ellis teased with a laugh.

“Dude.” Robbins said with wide eyes. “Don’t even joke like that.” After a second, he turned to face Mac, the expression on his face hopeful. “Could you?”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Mac grinned and was about to joke about Jack completely losing it when a loud voice sounded behind them.

“Ellis! Robbins! You’re up, we’ve gotten a call about an IED from one of the patrols.”

“Duty calls.” Ellis sighed, getting up from his bunk. “We’ll see you later, MacGyver.”

“Good luck.” Mac said and Ellis nodded with a small smile.  

“We’ve got it.” Robbins winked. “Well, he’s got it.” He added after a moment, gesturing at Ellis. “And I’ve got him.”

As he watched them walk away, Mac couldn’t help the little pang of jealousy in his chest. Reaching under his bed, he pulled out a copy of a book and opened it on the first page. There, on the back of the book’s hard cover, stuck with a tape, was a picture of him and Jack. It had been taken by Riley one day when they had been relaxing at Mac’s house after one of their missions. Jack had his arm thrown around Mac’s shoulders and they were both smiling widely, and Mac couldn’t help but run his fingers against Jack’s smiling face. Allowing himself to be selfish for a few seconds, Mac wished Jack was right there with him, watching his back instead of Wilson, but the moment that thought crossed his mind, Mac instantly felt guilty. Jack deserved so much better than being stuck in the Sandbox with Mac and Mac had no right to wish Jack was by his side. He had put his life in danger more than enough times and after all these years it was Mac’s turn to protect Jack.

Even if it meant protecting Jack from Mac himself.

* * *

“So.” Jack started, opening the door to _Pizza Paradise_ and letting Riley go in first. “Any reason you called me to meet you here?”

“Can’t a girl just want to hang out and eat pizza?” Riley replied, an innocent smile on her face. Too innocent.

“See, I’d buy that if you had invited me to any other place.” Jack said, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

Not replying, Riley gave him another one of her bright, innocent smiles as she led him to one of the free tables. Jack had been racking his brain over various possibilities since the moment Riley had called him asking to me her here, but he wasn’t able to come up with anything that would justify a pizza talk. As he studied Riley closely, he couldn’t read anything from her body language, so reluctantly he gave up, deciding to just wait and see what would happen.

“Okay, actually.” Riley eventually said after they placed their orders. “There is something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Knew it.” Jack forced himself to keep a smile on his face, while bracing himself on the inside. “What’s up?”

“I didn’t want to bring this up and upset you.” Riley started with a hesitant expression on her face. “But then I figured that maybe talking about it with someone would actually make you feel better.”

“What are you talking about, kid?” Jack frowned. “You’re startin’ to scare me here.”

Riley bit her lip and out of the thousand scenarios that Jack had prepared himself for, he could have never come up with that particular one and he almost fell of his chair when a question quickly tumbled out of Riley’s mouth. “How long have you been in love with Mac?”

Freezing for a split second, all Jack could hear was the ringing in his ears. “That’s gotta be the best joke you’ve ever told, Ri.” He quickly recovered, laughing loudly, all while he was dying inside. “Real good, girl.”

Realizing Riley was still looking at him seriously, her eyebrow arched, Jack gave her his best incredulous look. “Riley.” Jack said, looking at her as if she was crazy. “I’m not in love with Mac, c’mon.”

“It’s cute how you think you’re going to fool me.” Riley replied, looking thoroughly unimpressed. “I honestly can’t believe it’s taken me so long to figure it out.”

“There’s nothin’ to figure out here, Ri.” Jack said, shaking his head. “C’mon, this is ridiculous.”

“You know, I’ve seen that expression on your face sometimes when you looked at him.” Riley started, ignoring what Jack had just said. “It was so familiar, but I just couldn’t place it. Only a while ago I figured out where I’ve seen that look before.” She paused, her eyes softening, and Jack suddenly had a feeling he was not going to like what she was about to say. “You look at him the way you used to look at mom.”

Damn, Jack’s gut proved to be right once again – Jack did not like what Riley had said _at all._

Trying to save the situation, even though his odds didn’t look that great, Jack frowned. “Riles, that’s not… that’s not how it is with us.” Jack protested, hoping his voice didn’t sound as weak to Riley as it did to him. “I care about him, of course I do, he’s my family. But that’s not love, Ri. Not in that sense.”

“Not love, you say.” Riley mused. “Do you want to know how I know it _is_ love?” She asked, clearly not actually wanting him to reply. “I know because love is putting yourself between him and danger every single time. It’s taking the Phoenix jet and flying out to Boston to be with him during his friend’s funeral despite your broken arm.” As she continued talking, Jack gave up trying to keep the feelings off his face – he knew he had lost this fight, there was no point in denying it. “It’s listening to him rambling about science and pretending to complain, but actually smiling softly when you think no one’s looking because he’s just too adorable when he gets excited about things.”

“Riley.” Jack said quietly, his voice suddenly sounding so tired. “Is there any chance for you to forget about everything that you’ve figured out?”

“No.” Riley replied softly. “Because I hate to see you like this.”

“It’s never going to happen, Riles.” Jack sighed. “It’s just… impossible.”

“I’m not so sure about that.” Riley arched her eyebrow with a small smile. “You know what else love is?” She asked and Jack shrugged, dropping his head into his hands – all he wanted was for this conversation to end so he could go home and mope in peace. “Love is listening to country music by choice and actually loving it even though Bozer told me he used to hate it.” Slowly, Jack lifted his head, looking at Riley with wide eyes. “Love is watching Die Hard with you over and over without a word because you love Bruce Willis so damn much. And love is sticking his bare hands into the flames to save you from burning alive.”

No matter how much he wanted to believe in Riley’s words, Jack just knew it wasn’t possible. There was absolutely no way for Mac to actually feel that way about him. “We’re best friends and partners, Riley.” Jack shook his head with a bitter smile on his face. “It doesn’t mean anything.”

“Jack, he asks about you in every email he writes to me.” Riley said, leaning forward and looking at him intently. “Sure, he talks about how he’s doing although I suspect it’s only half truths anyway, but his main concern is always you.”

“You know how Mac is.” Jack shrugged. “He cares about family.”

“He doesn’t ask about anyone else, Jack.” Riley rolled her eyes. “He doesn’t ask me about Bozer, he just emails Bozer himself. But with you…” Riley trailed off. “Even though he writes to you as well, he still feels the need to have someone else tell him you’re okay.”

“That’s because I’m the one that’s usually banged up the most since I’m punching bad guys left and right!” Jack exclaimed. “And I wouldn’t write about that, so it’s only logical he asks you if I didn’t fling myself outta building or somethin’.”

Watching Riley close her eyes for a few seconds and take a deep breath, Jack realized that she looked like she was about to lose the remains of patience she had. “He stares at your ass whenever he’s a few feet behind you or you bend down to pick something up.” She deadpanned and Jack’s jaw dropped, white noise ringing in his head.

He didn’t know how to shoot down that one.

“Also, I’m pretty sure his brain short-circuited for a few seconds when you tackled that dude into the swimming pool in Spain and your white t-shirt was clinging to your body after you got out.” Riley added with a smug look on her face as she delivered the final blow and Jack could only stare at her with wide eyes and his mouth wide open.

“You’re… you’re yankin’ my chain.” Jack managed to stutter out after a moment and Riley reached over the table to grab his hand.

“I would never joke about something like that, Jack.” She looked at him with a soft smile. “I promise.” Seeing Jack was still mostly unresponsive, Riley chuckled. “Man, I think I broke you. I just wish I had that talk with you before he left.” The expression on her face turned somber and a sudden, horrible thought crossed dawned on Jack, immediately bringing him out of his stupor before he even could wrap his mind around the unexpected revelation.

“Riley.” He whispered so quietly that Riley had to lean in closer to hear him. “What if he doesn’t…”

“Don’t even say that.” Riley interrupted him with fire in her eyes, squeezing his hand tightly. “Don’t you dare even think that.”

“Riles…”

“No.” Riley decisively said, her voice quivering only slightly. “It’s going to be just fine and Mac is going to come back. Then you’re going to talk and live happily ever after. Jack,” Riley repeated, waiting for him to meet her eyes before continuing. “If anyone can pull this off and return to you, it’s Mac.”

Standing up, Jack pulled Riley closer and enveloped her in a tight hug, her arms wrapping around his instantly, and Jack felt as if it was the only thing keeping him from falling apart. Squeezing his eyes shut and trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill any second now, Jack held Riley close, sending out a silent prayer to every deity he could think of.

_Please, bring him home to me._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave a comment and let me know what you thought!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> So, remember when I said this fic would be around four chapters long? Yeah, that's not happening anymore. I lost control over this fic, the monster got away, the story is basically writing itself by this point, I CAN'T CONTROL IT. So yeah, there probably will be five chapters, maybe even six. Who knows? ;)
> 
> I really hoped to give you guys some happiness and joy in this chapter, but it didn't work out, I'm sorry. I hope you enjoy it anyway.
> 
> Big thank you to Sammy aka [BlackVultures](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVultures) (check out her fics, THEY ARE SO GOOD) who helped me A LOT with this chapter! Thank you for listening to me ramble about it and for helping me figure out these few scenes, you are the best ♥
> 
> Enjoy the pain!

_September 2018_

Sitting in the passenger seat of the Humvee, Mac fought to keep his eyes open. It had been a long day, they had been called to so many IEDs that Mac was slowly starting to lose count. Since that day when Wilson had ignored his call for help, Mac stayed on a double alert while out in the field, looking over his shoulder while defusing the bombs which made it twice as exhausting, and after a long day like this, Mac was absolutely wiped. But he had a job to do, so when they got a call from a patrol unit about a suspicious device on the side of the road, there was no other choice than to go and check it out, no matter how hard Wilson had rolled his eyes when they had received the call. It actually gave Mac quite a bit of joy, so if responding to a call meant pissing Wilson off, Mac was game.

When they approached the coordinates given to them by the patrol unit and Wilson stopped the car a few feet away from the small package on the side of the road, Mac couldn’t help but feel that something was off. It wasn’t exactly normal to find IEDs out in the open like this, by the road in the middle of the desert, they were usually planted in towns or villages, so the explosion would take as many lives as possible. A far more popular solution for the roads were the land mines that if hidden under the sand were almost invisible and were the easiest way to take out cars and anyone travelling in them, usually the US soldiers.

There was a chance, Mac supposed, that the package wasn’t actually a bomb, but some goods lost by someone in the transit, but as he got out of the Humvee and slowly started walking in its direction, Mac could tell in his gut that he wasn’t going to get that lucky.

As per usual, when he got closer and kneeled beside the package, it became very clear that his gut proved to be right once again and he was indeed dealing with a bomb. There was something eerie about crouching in front of a bomb in the middle of the desert, everything around so quiet that Mac could hear the silence ringing in his ears, and that alone was enough to make Mac’s heart beat faster. He still couldn’t shake the feeling that something about this situation was off, that it just didn’t fit the usual pattern, but Mac had a bomb to defuse, so he just pushed the feeling to the back of his mind. As he studied the device closely, Mac cursed under his breath when he noticed the mercury switch – that meant moving the bomb even slightly was out of question, unless Mac wanted to accidentally complete the circuit and make the bomb go off before he even had time to think ‘kaboom’.

Reaching for his knife, Mac was still trying to figure out his next step when a loud scream sounded suddenly in a close proximity in front of him. His head snapping up in the direction of the voice, Mac only managed to see several armed guys running towards him from behind the hill before the bullets started flying out of nowhere. Kneeling next to the bomb Mac had no cover at all, but before he even had time to think about a way to get out of there, a sudden force hit him, causing him to fall down on his back, and it was only after he felt the throbbing pain in his left arm that he realized he had been shot.

As the shooting intensified, Mac realized that if he didn’t do something very soon, another bullet would most likely hit something a lot more vital in his body than an arm. He wasn’t even sure if Wilson was firing back, he couldn’t tell from where he was keeping his head down, desperately trying to figure out some kind of a plan while trying not to think about the bleeding hole in his arm. Suddenly, he realized that the only weapon he had and could use was the bomb next to him and in that moment an idea popped into his head. It was an awful idea, stupid and reckless, and Mac was sure Jack would definitely have something to say about it if he was there, but Mac truly did not have any other choice. The hostiles were very close to him, their weapons drawn and ready to fire another series any second not, and Mac was running out of time. Ignoring the throbbing pain in his shoulder, Mac quickly got on his feet and reached for the bomb. Praying luck would be on his side on this beautiful day and the mercury switch wouldn’t work right away, giving him at least a few seconds, Mac thought of Jack, his face being the last thing he wanted to see if this was truly the end, and before he could second guess his choice, Mac grabbed the bomb and with all the strength he could muster he threw the bomb right between the assailants, immediately breaking into the run in the direction of the Humvee.

… which wasn’t there, but before that thought could register in Mac’s brain, the bomb went off, the force of explosion sending Mac flying in the air and the moment he hit the ground, pain erupted in his body and everything went black.

Opening his eyes, Mac squinted at the bright sun above him. His ears were still ringing which meant the blast only knocked him out for a few seconds, and as far as Mac could tell, all of his limbs were still attached, so that was a good sign. Also, it was completely quiet, nobody was shouting or shooting which meant the blast probably killed everyone except for Mac, so maybe he did get lucky after all. As he tried to sit up, his entire body screamed in protest and Mac groaned at the painful twinge in his ribs. Glancing around, he realized there were plenty of rocks around him and he must have landed right on them which would explain why his ribs hurt – they were most definitely bruised and Mac was pretty sure at least a few of them were cracked, and it probably would have been way worse if he wasn’t wearing his bulletproof vest. As he shifted a bit, a throbbing pain in his left arm instantly reminded him about the gunshot would he had acquired and Mac hissed as he tried to gently examine it. He could feel the exit wound under his fingers, so at least it was through and through, and the bullet wasn’t stuck inside, but Mac winced when he saw all the sand in the wound. He had nothing he could clean it with, so Mac had a feeling it would probably get infected sooner than later.  

Closing his eyes for a few seconds, Mac tried to focus and figure out what to do. The Humvee was gone which meant Wilson had probably left him again and Mac wasn’t even that surprised – Wilson had repeatedly stated that Mac wasn’t worth saving to him. Besides, everyone always left Mac behind sooner or later, so he was pretty much used to it. Unfortunately, it meant he was stuck in the middle of the desert completely by himself, without any means of transportation to get back to the base and on top of that, he had left his backpack in the car, so he was left with none of his supplies, not even the first aid kit. His radio was busted and so was his sat phone, and while Mac could probably try and fix them somehow, he had to get out of the open area first. There was a chance the hostiles weren’t the only ones around, they might have some friends that would come looking for them, and if they found Mac, then it would be over.

As he tried to stand up, Mac yelped quietly at the sudden pain in his right leg that almost sent him stumbling back to the ground. Glancing down, Mac realized he had a long gash on his calf, probably from a shrapnel that must have grazed him when the bomb went off.

Well, with this gash, a bullet wound in his arm and cracked ribs there was no chance in hell for Mac to walk back to the base. He probably wouldn’t have made it even if he was at his best and in his current condition it was completely out of question.

Trying to come up with some kind of solution, Mac suddenly remembered the maps of the area he had been studying a few days before. Apparently, there were a lot of caves around, and from what Mac remembered there were a few not very far from his current location. He knew that walking there would actually make him move away from the base, but he needed a shelter and he wasn’t going to get very far with the cut on his leg and his ribs screaming in protest with every step he took. Hiding somewhere relatively safe had to be his priority for now and once sheltered from the sun and hopefully the hostile eyes, he could start working on fixing the radio and sending out a signal for help.

Taking a few steps, Mac groaned at the sharp pain in his leg and ribs, but he gritted his teeth and slowly but surely started walking in what he could only hope was the right direction. It hurt, his arm, his ribs, his leg, it all hurt so badly, but Mac pushed it all away, concentrating on each step and on keeping his breathing steady and quite shallow to limit the pain in his ribs to minimum.

 _You’ve got this, kid. Just like that, step after step, you can do this,_ Jack’s voice sounded in Mac’s head and while he knew it was only his imagination, Mac hung to it like a lifeline. Focusing on random moments and conversations with Jack to take his mind off the pain, Mac kept walking, step after step, just like the voice in his head had said, ignoring the small part of his brain that tried to convince him it would be easier to just give up.

But Mac wasn’t a quitter, he had never been one. Besides, he had made a promise to Jack – he had promised to do his best to come back, and Mac would be damned if he broke a promise he had made to Jack.

So he kept walking, pain intensifying with every step he took.

But Mac kept going.

* * *

Standing in the middle of the war room, Jack did his best to hide a yawn. Matty was talking about something related to the seminar they had been forced to attend the day before and Jack was grumpy and bored out of his mind. He couldn’t understand why the meeting had to be scheduled for eight in the freaking morning and judging by the look on Riley’s face and how Bozer’s eyes seemed to be closed more often than not, they were just as done with it as he was. Only Leanna seemed fine, but Jack suspected she was just as bored and tired as the rest of them, she just put more effort into hiding it.

Jack was about to crack a joke to put them out of the misery for at least a short moment when his phone started buzzing in his pocket, accompanied by the opening riff of _Master Of Puppets_ ringing loudly. Checking the caller ID, he saw an unknown number that he didn’t recognize and usually he would have sent it to voicemail to avoid Matty’s wrath for answering a call during a meeting, but for some reason his gut was telling him to pick up and Jack trusted his instincts as much as he trusted Mac.

Shooting an apologetic glance to Matty who was looking at him with narrowed eyes, Jack took a few steps back before answering the phone. “Yeah?”

“Is that Jack Dalton speaking?” A voice on the other end asked, a voice that Jack had never heard in his life before and it instantly had him on high alert.

“That’s me.” He replied with a frown. “Who am I talking to?”

“Major Stephen Rollins, stationed at the Forward Operating Base Collins in the…”

“Logar province, Afghanistan.” Jack finished for him, feeling like he was falling as panic spread over his body and his breathing sped up. He was dimly aware of everyone in the room going silent and looking at him with concern, but all Jack cared about were the next words that he was about to hear. He already knew it would be bad news, they wouldn’t be calling him otherwise, but everything, and by that Jack meant _everything_ , depended on how bad exactly the news would be. “What happened?” Jack asked, fighting to keep his voice as steady as possible.

“Mr. Dalton, the reason I’m calling you is Specialist Angus MacGyver.” Rollins said and Jack held his breath, not even daring to move. “There’s been an… incident and as of four hours we’re considering MacGyver MIA.”

“Missing?” Jack breathed out and the moment he spoke the word, everyone was on their feet, looking at him with wide eyes. “What the hell happened?”

“We’re in the process of gathering information about that.”

“What about any rescue missions?” Jack asked, desperately trying to focus, and when his eyes automatically travelled to Matty he discovered she was also on the phone, quietly talking to someone on the other end with a serious look on her face.

“We’ve sent out one team to look for him, but they were forced to retreat because of the suspicious activity in the area.” Rollins replied. “There’s no telling how long that could last, so I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do at the moment.”

“Suspicious activity, are you kidding me?” Jack growled, his blood boiling. “You’ve got a man missing and you’re scared of some suspicious activity?”

“Mr. Dalton…”

“I’m coming to get him.” Jack cut him off, glancing at Matty who nodded the moment their eyes met while she continued to talk on the phone.

“That’s out of the question.” Rollins replied in a monotone voice. “Look, usually we would have informed you at least in a few days. The only reason I called you that early is an instruction in MacGyver’s file to inform you and something called the Phoenix Foundation the moment something happens to MacGyver, and the instruction has been put there by order of someone named Matilda Webber.” Hearing that, Jack’s eyes widened and he was instantly reminded of the fact that Mac was Matty’s family as well, so it was no surprise that she had done everything she could to give him at least some kind of protection. “I have no idea who she is and why she has the power to do so, but, Mr. Dalton, I won’t have a civilian running around-“

“First of all,” Jack snarled, done with the man’s attitude and wasting time while Mac was _missing_ somewhere in the middle of hell itself. “It’s agent Dalton to you. And second, as you can probably already tell, I am definitely not a civilian.”

“I don’t care who you think you are, you don’t have the authority to-“

“Listen to me very carefully.” Jack said icily, looking at Matty just as she hang up on her phone and mouthed ‘it’s done’ in his direction. “There is nothin’ and I mean _nothin’_ that could stop me from coming. But if that’s not enough for you, in a moment you’re gonna to get orders to back the fuck off.”

“What the hell-“ Rollins started, but was suddenly fell quiet and Jack could hear some muffled noise in the background, Rollins protesting for a second, followed by a murmured ‘yes, sir’.

“Agent Dalton.” A new voice sounded on the other end of the line. “This is Major General Edward Towers. I just got off the phone with Matty, we’re be expecting you and your team. I’ll make sure no one gets in the way of your mission.”

“Good. I’ll see you in sixteen hours.” Jack replied curtly and hang up, his gaze immediately shifting to Matty.

“The plane is waiting and the team is gearing up in the armory.” Matty said before Jack even opened his mouth. “Go get him.”

Nodding, Jack glanced around the room, taking in the worry in Matty’s eyes, Riley standing with her arms wrapped around herself and wide eyes, Bozer clutching Leanna’s hand tightly, his eyes filled with tears. “I will.”

* * *

Mac wasn’t sure how long he had been walking or how much distance he had managed to cover, all he knew was that he was slowly running out power to keep going. He was beginning to lose hope, thinking that maybe he hadn’t remembered the maps well enough and somehow had picked the wrong direction when he saw something ahead of him.

Squinting and walking up closer, Mac realized it was probably one of the caves he was looking for and if he wasn’t so tired and in so much pain, he would have probably jumped in joy. Feeling as if he caught a second wind, Mac pushed through the pain, quickening his pace as much as he could in his current condition. Careful not to trip against the many rocks lying around, Mac kept walking, his body screaming in protest when he was forced to go uphill, but Mac gritted his teeth, focusing all of his remaining strength on walking.

As he reached the entrance to the cave, Mac felt like weeping in joy. He had been worried he might find someone not very friendly inside, but mercifully, the cave was empty. Stumbling inside, Mac leaned against one of the walls and slid down on the ground a little too enthusiastically, and he let out a muffled cry when his ribs jolted painfully. Closing his eyes, Mac sat still, waiting for the pain to subdue at least a little. After a few moments when it finally felt like he could breath, he opened his eyes and looked around the cave.

He was pleasantly surprised when he noticed a small crate right next to him, almost empty except for two thin blankets. They probably belonged to someone that had been staying in that cave in the past, but judging by the sand covering the crate and the general state of the cave, it had been a long while since anyone had lived in there. Other than that, the cave was empty, but Mac wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth – he hadn’t expected to find anything in there, so the blankets were definitely a nice surprise.

Setting his helmet aside, Mac reached for the radio and the sat phone that were strapped to his vest, cursing under his breath when he got a better look at them. They were in a far worse state that Mac had anticipated and after a few seconds he realized he was probably not going to be able to fix any of the devices. Not ready to give up, he took out his knife and levered the lid of the phone, hissing at the pain in his left arm, trying to see if anything inside survived the explosion and the crash against the rock and could be used to fix the radio. Unfortunately, all parts of the sat phone were smashed and pretty much useless just like the radio, and even though Mac did give it a shot, tinkering with the devices for a while, eventually he gave up.

Trying to stay calm, Mac considered his options. He definitely wasn’t able to get back to base on foot, not with his injuries and not with the hostiles probably lurking around with trigger itchy fingers. Calling for help was out of question, he had nothing that could help him fix either the phone or the radio, so for now it seemed that Mac’s only option was to wait in the cave until someone found him. His canteen was about three quarters full and after checking the vest, he found two protein bars and a stick of chewing gum. Sighing as much as his ribs let him, Mac leaned his head against the cool wall of the cave – he had enough to last maybe for a few days and that was without counting his injuries. He was pretty sure he was already running a low grade fever judging by the slight headache and the ache in his muscles, and while the wounds on his arm and leg didn’t bleed that much anymore, he had lost a good deal of blood, not enough to make him pass out, but still. The only good thing was that nothing inside him seemed to be damaged except for his ribs, although Mac knew better than to get happy about that – while his ribs might have been the only thing broken inside of him, walking from the explosion site to the cave certainly didn’t help, and Mac would be lying if he said he didn’t notice that breathing was slightly more difficult than it used to be a few hours before. And on top of everything, it was going to get so much colder the moment it got dark, and even though Mac had the two blankets he had found, he knew it wasn’t going to be pleasant, especially not with the fever that would probably only intensify with the passing time. Mac did consider cutting up his sleeves or trouser legs and use the material to wrap the cut on his leg and the wound on his shoulder, but eventually decided against it – while facing the upcoming cold, every layer of clothing would be worth everything. Besides, the wounds were probably infected anyway.

Closing his eyes, Mac wondered if anyone was even going to look for him. There was a chance that after getting back to the base, Wilson had told them Mac had been killed, and no one would bother to send any rescue teams. They would, Mac supposed, send someone to retrieve his body, but the question was, what would they do if they didn’t find it? Would they look for him or would they assume his body just had been moved or something?

Releasing a shaky breath, Mac couldn’t help but think about Jack and the rest of the Phoenix team. It was selfish, so selfish, but there was a tiny part of him that wondered if they would come to help him after finding out he was missing. The moment that thought crossed his mind, Mac shook his head, angry at himself for even allowing himself that little glimmer of hope – surely the team had better and more important things to do than dropping everything and coming to his rescue.

And Mac didn’t even blame them because it was true what Wilson had said – Mac wasn’t worth saving. And he sure as hell wasn’t worth organizing a rescue mission by a secret government agency.

Jack might have come, back in the past, but Mac was sure that by now Jack had started to appreciate his life without Mac in a close proximity – he was probably enjoying not being dragged into one dangerous situation after another. And while Mac really had meant what he had promised Jack – that he would do his best to come back – it all actually depended on whether Jack wanted him to come back. And Mac was convinced that after experiencing what his life was without Mac, the last thing Jack wanted was for Mac to come back. That was what always happened, people tended to realize how much their lives would improve without Mac in it, so they left him behind.

Even his own father had left him because he couldn’t stand to be around him.

Briefly, Mac wondered if his father cared that he had gone back to the Army at all. He probably didn’t and Mac didn’t even feel angry or disappointed – the only thing he was feeling was a hollow resignation. He was used to it, he had been there, done that, so it didn’t even bother him anymore.

The only thing that mattered was that Jack didn’t want him around anymore.

But, Mac supposed as he shifted on the ground, wincing in pain, it was his own fault anyway. He had left Jack behind, he had made it clear that he didn’t need him anymore – even it was a big fat lie. So if Jack didn’t want him around, Mac had only himself to blame for that.

Actually, everything that had happened since Mac got to Afghanistan had been Mac’s own fault. Everything he had done had lead him to this moment, and Mac knew Wilson was right.

He wasn’t worth saving.

So maybe he did deserve to die in that cave after all.

* * *

They had been in the air for about two hours, two hours that Jack had spent staring out the window with Mac being the only thing on his mind, when Matty’s and Riley’s faces appeared on the screen on the jet.

“You doing okay, Jack?” Riley asked with concern etched on her face after he acknowledged their presence with a questioning glance at the screen.

“Not in the slightest.” Jack didn’t even bother to pretend. “What’s going on, ladies?”

“I wanted to have at least a general idea what happened, so I managed to get the video from the helmet camera worn by Mac’s overwatch.” Matty started, but there was something in her eyes and tone of her voice that Jack didn’t like. “Riley was able to increase the quality of the footage.”

“Well?” Jack shifted on his seat, moving closer to the screen. “Show it to me.”

“Just…” Riley hesitated. “You’re not going to like it.”

“What did he do now?” Jack rolled his eyes with a certain fondness, despite being worried sick about his partner that also happened to be the love of his miserable life. “I swear to god, if he did something stupid and got himself is some kind of-“

“No.” Matty interrupted him with a strange look on her face and it took a few seconds for Jack to realize that Matty was absolutely _furious_ , but was trying very hard to hide it. “He did nothing wrong. Nothing at all.” And with that, Matty and Riley disappeared from the screen, replaced by the video footage.

There was Mac, crouching next to something Jack assumed was the bomb, but what made him frown was the distance between Mac and his overwatch. Jack didn’t expect the overwatch to be right by Mac’s side, but even back when Mac had been just an annoying know-it-all to Jack, Jack had never put that much distance between them while watching his back.

Jack’s blood pressure instantly went up when he saw the armed men coming from behind the hill and while the sound in the video was very quiet, Jack could clearly hear the moment the shooting started. Expecting the overwatch to fire right back, Jack watched in shock as the man wearing the camera did absolutely nothing and Jack gasped out loud when he saw Mac suddenly stumble back, obviously hit, most likely in his arm, judging from the way he fell on his back.

“What the fuck?!” Jack screamed, watching in horror the overwatch getting into the car and instead of driving towards Mac, putting the car reverse and getting away, away from Mac who Jack could see was scrambling back to his feet, but before Jack could see more, the overwatch turned the car around, driving away and leaving Mac behind, injured and completely by himself.

After the screen went black, it took a few second for Riley and Matty to reappear, but Jack barely noticed, his eyes staring right ahead as he tried to wrap his mind around what he had just watched. “Son of a bitch.” He whispered, barely containing the rage that seeped through his entire body. “The son of a bitch just left him. He just left him.” Understanding now Matty’s barely contained fury, Jack looked at her, his fists clenched so tightly it was beginning to hurt. “He just left him.” He repeated, his voice shaking, but he didn’t care.

“I know, Jack.” Matty quietly, the expression on her face softening for a second before Matty blinked, and she was all business again. “I also found out that the team sent out to look for him found the bodies of the hostiles and the evidence that the bomb did explode. No sign of Mac though.”

“He must have detonated the bomb himself to protect himself.” Jack said quietly, guilt building up in him – he never should have let Mac leave, he should have done more to stop him.

Closing his eyes, Jack breathed in and out a few times, trying to calm himself and focus. He was angry, he was so fucking angry and he already made up his mind that the poor excuse of overwatch that was supposed to watch Mac’s back was going to pay for what he had done. Jack would have been pissed if it was anyone, leaving people behind was something he hated, but that was Mac, it was _his Mac_ , so Jack was barely able to contain the fury inside of him. Opening his eyes, Jack realized that Riley and Matty must have hung up because the screen was black again, and he took a few more breaths to make sure he wouldn’t accidentally rip someone’s head off while on the plane.

“Okay, fellas.” Jack eventually called out after a moment and waited until all the other guys were looking at him. “By my calculations, we’ll land around two in the afternoon local time, so we’re hittin’ the ground right away. It’ll already be over twenty hours since Mac went MIA and there’s no more time to waste, so get all your beauty sleep now while you can.”

“What about his overwatch?” Brooks, the guy sitting right next to Jack asked, looking at the screen with a dirty look on his face. Jack knew that Brooks was ex-military just like he was and seeing another soldier leave a man behind like that clearly didn’t sit right with him.

“I’m not going to waste time on that piece of garbage while Mac is somewhere in the middle of the desert. But after we get him back…” Jack’s voice got darker. “I’m going to have a chat with that overwatch. A very long chat that will make him regret the day he was born.”

* * *

_2012_

_As his heart pounded wildly in his chest, Mac tried, for the umpteenth time, to loosen the binds on his wrists, unfortunately to no avail. Locked in the trunk of the car, he didn’t have many options left, especially since they took his knife and there was literally nothing in the trunk that he could use to break free, and Mac was slowly starting to lose hope._

_He knew what the plan was, he knew they were driving to some remote area and he knew that the moment they got there, he was going to end up with a bullet in his head._

_If he was being honest, Mac had thought his career at DXS would last a bit longer than five missions._

_Feeling the car slow down and turn, Mac winced when the road got pretty uneven and he was being tossed left and right. Suddenly, the car came to a halt and Mac could hear some shouting, but before he had time to figure out what was going on, the sounds of shouting were replaced by the sound of gunfire._

_Seconds later, someone opened the trunk and Mac was immediately blinded by sharp light coming from a flashlight._

_“Hey, Mac, buddy, you good?” A very familiar voice frantically said, followed by a pair of arms reaching for Mac and pulling him into a sitting position._

_“Jack?” Mac squinted his eyes against the light and the person standing in front of him quickly put the flashlight away, revealing Jack’s smiling face._

_“In the flesh.” Jack grinned, taking out his knife and cutting the binds on Mac’s wrists before pulling him into a quick hug._

_“I can’t believe you found me.” Mac said after they pulled away, massaging his sore wrists, ignoring a small part of him that was whining about the hug lasting for way too short._

_“I will always find you.” Jack said with an easy smile, but there was something serious in his eyes. “No matter how far you go scamperin’ off, no matter where you wind up, I will always find you. I will always come to get you.”_

Remembering one of their first DXS missions, Mac shivered under the blankets, curling into himself, biting his bottom lip at the piercing pain in his ribs. Remembering the feeling of Jack’s arms around him, Mac squeezed his eyes – it was completely dark in the cave, but Mac knew that if he could see, his vision would be blurred with tears.

Mac wasn’t much of a crier and even if he did allow himself to be this vulnerable, it was always when he was alone, hidden from the eyes of everyone else.

But there was no one else in the cave. And the pain in his heart was just as excruciating as the physical one.

So Mac let one lone tear slowly roll down his cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave a comment if you liked it!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Doom, doom, doom, doom... It's me again!
> 
> And once again, this is not the last chapter and it looks like the chapters are getting longer! Like I mentioned before, I lost control over this fic - it writes itself by this point.
> 
> I really, REALLY, hope you enjoy this chapter. I tried doing research about the medical stuff in here, but I realize it's not probably very accurate - so please, bear with me here ;)
> 
> ENJOY!

“Hey, man.” Specialist Matthew Ellis tapped his best friend’s arm. “Check it out, who are they?” He asked, gesturing at the group of armed men walking from the direction of the small airport attached to the base. There were six of them and they were dressed in all black, wearing full tac gear, their faces completely expressionless, and there was something about the way they moved that suggested they were almost certainly former military. But Ellis had never seen any of them before and the uniforms they were wearing definitely didn’t belong to the US Army. Actually, when he looked closer, Ellis noticed the uniforms didn’t have any insignia at all – no symbols, no signs, nothing that would suggest who these men were.

“Dude.” Sergeant Luke Robbins gasped and when Ellis glanced at him, his overwatch was looking at the group of men with wide eyes. “The man leading them, that’s Jack Dalton. The Delta legend I told you about.”

“More like rambled about.” Ellis rolled his eyes fondly, focusing on the man Robbins was drooling over, and he inwardly flinched. Dalton’s eyes were dark and cold, his lips pursed in a thin line, and if Ellis had to imagine what a personified version of fury would look like, he supposed it would look exactly like Dalton. He also suspected that if looks could kill they all would be dropping like flies. “Wait.” Ellis started, a sudden realization dawning on him. “He was MacGyver’s overwatch during his last tour.”

Nodding, Robbins waited for the men to pass them before replying. “He came to get him.” He said quietly, his eyes trained on the group as they obviously headed to their command center. “MacGyver mentioned they’re still close, so Dalton must have jumped on the plane the moment he found out.”

“And he brought a small army with him.” Ellis arched his eyebrow. “I think it’s safe to assume he didn’t take a desk job after getting discharged in 2011.”

“I hope MacGyver’s still alive out there.” Robbins sighed. “Because judging by the look on Dalton’s face, he’s going to raze the whole base to the ground if his EOD tech doesn’t make it.”

“He probably knows exactly what happened.” Ellis said. “I wonder if he’s going to confront Wilson about it.”

“There’s nothing to wonder about here, brother.” Robbins patted Ellis’ arm. “Wilson’s a dead man.”

* * *

The moment they touched down and the plane’s wheels stopped moving, Jack didn’t waste any time and was opening the jet’s door before the pilots could even properly turn off the engines. Outside, he was hit with a wave of hot air and he squinted his eyes against the sun shining brightly above him. Waiting for the rest of his team to get out of the plane and unload their gear, Jack glanced around, instantly recognizing the small airport that was a part of the Forward Operating Base Collins – it seemed that time had frozen here, everything looked exactly as it had back in 2011, and Jack was suddenly flooded with a memory of him at the exact same airport, boarding the plane that was supposed to take him back home to his beloved Texas. He had been on the plane already, about to take his seat when he had been hit with a sudden feeling that he was making a mistake and he couldn’t help but feel that there had been something pulling him back and telling him to get off that plane. It had taken a moment, but then Jack realized that leaving and going back home meant leaving that annoying EOD tech behind and probably never seeing him again, and for some reason that thought had made Jack shudder in terror, and before he had known, he had turned around, basically running out of the plane and signing up for another tour.

And the look on Mac’s face when he had told him, the look of absolute wonder and the surprise evident in his eyes, it was worth every damn second Jack had to spend at the Sandbox.

Seeing his guys were ready and waiting for him, Jack grabbed his bag from Brooks and started walking in the direction of the base, the team following him without a word. Just like the airport, the rest of the base had not changed at all, so Jack had no trouble finding his way to the command center, the route engraved in the back of his mind and clear despite seven years passing since the last time he had been there. He could see some of the soldiers they were passing by were eyeing them curiously, but Jack was a man on the mission and didn’t pay them any mind, confidently striding forward and glaring at anyone who dared to be in the way.

When they reached the command center, Jack gave his men one look and they all understood him without the need for words – they set the bags on the ground, ready to wait for him and further orders. With no hesitation, Jack stepped inside and almost immediately an older man headed in his direction, and Jack instantly identified the man as the Major General he had talked with back in the war room.

“You must be agent Dalton.” The man said, extending his hand for Jack to shake. “Major General Towers, we spoke on the phone.”

“I’d say it’s a pleasure, but…” Jack trailed off and the general nodded in understanding.

“I get it. I better not take any more of your time.” Towers said, probably sensing Jack was not in the mood to waste time on idle chit-chat. “The cars are waiting and here are the coordinates of the explosion site.” He added, handing Jack a piece of paper. “Good luck, agent Dalton.”

Nodding, Jack marched out of the command center without looking back, the guys from his team instantly on high alert the moment they saw him. “Okay, boys.” Jack started, his eyes sweeping between his men. “We’re taking two Humvees and we’re driving to where Mac was last seen, hopefully something there will tell us where he went.” Taking a deep breath, Jack clenched his hands, forcing his voice to stay steady. “It’s already been twenty two hours since that bastard had left him behind, so we need to move quickly.”

“We’re not coming back until we find him, am I right?” Rodriguez asked, and Jack’s chest tightened – the guys from the Phoenix tac teams all loved Mac, not quite like Jack did, but they all wanted him back home safely.

“No, we’re not.” Jack confirmed and was happy to see everyone nodding in agreement. “Alright, gentlemen, let’s roll.” 

* * *

_"What took you so long?”_

_"I thought you were out chasing leads.”_

_“No. No, I watch your back. That’s my job, remember? We talked about this.”_

Not anymore though. Not anymore because Mac had quit. And Jack didn’t have to worry about having Mac’s back anymore.

Because Mac had set Jack free by leaving him behind.

And now all Mac had left were memories. And even though every single one of them made him whimper as his heart clenched painfully, Mac couldn’t help himself.

He wanted Jack to be the last thing on his mind.

* * *

After driving for almost an hour, they finally reached the ambush site, and Jack was literally buzzing, hoping they would be able to find at least a small clue that could tell them what exactly happened to Mac. Aching to get to Mac as quickly as possible, Jack refused to even think about a possibility of being too late, focusing on positives and believing that if anyone could survive being left behind in the middle of the desert, it would be Mac.

Cutting the engine, Jack immediately got out of the car. Gripping his gun tightly, he waited for Brooks to park the second Humvee, his eyes attentively sweeping over the site. “Clear the area, boys.” He called out quietly after the rest of the team joined him, and everybody spread out to make sure no one else was around besides them.

Trusting him team to alert him in case anything was wrong, Jack walked up to where the bomb must have exploded, judging by a small dent in the sand and the shrapnel lying around. The bodies of the men that attacked Mac weren’t there and Jack wasn’t sure if they had been taken by their own people or by the unit that had been sent to look for Mac, but he didn’t care. All that mattered was that Mac’s body was not among them.

“Dalton!” Rodriguez called out and when Jack looked up, he saw Rodriguez crouching next to the rocks closer to where they left the cars. “You have to see this!”

Walking over, Jack leaned over Rodriguez and immediately noticed what the other man was talking about. There, on one of the rocks, was a brown smudge that couldn’t be mistaken for anything else other than dried blood. “The armed men were all on the other side.” Jack said, his eyes fixed on the blood. “So that’s gotta be Mac’s.” Eyeing the distance between the spot where the bomb had gone off and the rocks, Jack winced, knowing exactly what must have happened. “He probably detonated the bomb somehow and tried to get away from it, but the blast threw him here.”

“If he landed on these rocks, there’s no way he got out of it unscathed.” Ford observed and Jack’s stomach turned when he imagined the force Mac must have hit the rocks with.

“We have to assume he’s injured worse than just the gunshot wound to his arm.” Jack said, trying not to think about any possible injuries that Mac could have sustained. “Now, the question is,” Jack started, looking around and seeing nothing but sand. “Where did you go, Mac?” He asked quietly, hoping to see some kind of message or a sign that could point him in the right direction.

“I think it’s safe to assume he didn’t head in the direction of the base.” Brooks said. “We didn’t see any sign of him on the way here, besides, it’s a long distance. I wouldn’t dare to try and walk there from here in my best shape, so I don’t think Mac would risk it while injured.”

“He wouldn’t, he’s too smart for that.” Jack nodded, closing his eyes and trying to think what he would do in a similar situation. “The best thing to do would be finding a place to hide.”

“In the middle of the desert?” Rodriguez said dubiously. “He’d have to get very lucky.”

“Unless he _knew_ there was something in the area.” Jack opened his eyes, reaching for his sat phone. “You know Mac, that brain of his registers every little detail he comes across, if he remembered a map he’d seen or somethin’…” Jack trailed off, dialing the right number and he only needed to wait for a few seconds before the call connected.

“Jack?” Riley’s voice sounded in his ear. “Anything?”

“Not yet.” Jack sighed. “But I need you to check the satellite images and see if there’s anything in the area that Mac could have used as a hiding place. It’s a long shot, but it’s all I’ve got for now.”

For the next few seconds all Jack could hear was the sound of Riley typing on her keyboard. “Well,” She said after a while and sensing she had found something, Jack put her on speaker. “It looks like there are a few caves to the north of your current location.”

“How far, Ri?”

“About thirty minutes by car.”

“Copy that. Thanks, Riles.” Jack said and disconnected the call, exchanging the looks with his team. “It would have probably taken him a few hours to get there in his condition, but…” He trailed off with a shrug.

“It’s still closer than the base.” Brooks nodded. “There’s a chance he made it there.”

“It’s the only lead we have.” Jack said, putting the phone away and heading in the direction of the cars. “Let’s move.”

As he started the engine, Jack tried not to get his hopes up, but at the same time he prayed Mac had known about the caves and had somehow managed to get there. They didn’t have any other leads and if they didn’t find Mac there, Jack honestly had no idea what they would do next. Searching for a man in the desert without having a slightest idea which direction he had chosen would be like searching for a needle in a sandy haystack, and Jack wasn’t sure they would be able to find Mac then. Ignoring the way his heart clenched, he swallowed down harshly, blinking rapidly as he felt his eyes welling up. If Ford or Rodriguez that were riding with him in the car noticed, they didn’t say anything, and Jack gripped the steering wheel tightly, driving as fast as he could without risking damaging the car.

_Hang in there, Mac. Hang in there._

* * *

_“Any last words?”_

_“Well, I don’t know. I ain’t gonna say I love you or anything.”_

_“Yeah, I-I don’t love you either.”_

“But I do.” Mac mumbled as another shiver shook his body, various memories of Jack’s smiling face running through his mind. “I love you so much.”

* * *

Just like Riley had told them, after about thirty minutes of driving Jack saw a small hill in the distance. There were plenty of small, sharp rocks lying around, so he stopped the Humvee, not wanting to accidentally tear the tire, and Brooks must have thought the same thing because the second car stopped right next to Jack’s. As he got out of the car, Jack could make out an entrance to a cave on top of the hill, and he couldn’t help the tiny spark of hope that lightened up in his chest.

“Tan, Ford, stay with the cars. The rest, with me.” Jack ordered quietly, breaking into a jog, his gun drawn and ready to take out anyone that would dare to get in his way. His heart pounding wildly, Jack slowed down when they reached the hill and carefully started walking uphill, not wanting to trip on the rocks on his way. When they finally got to the entrance of the cave, Jack gestured at his team to stand by and he slowly stepped inside, and his heart literally dropped when he saw a person curled up in the furthest corner of the cave, the blond mass of hair being a dead giveaway of who it was.

“Mac!” Jack strode forward, tossing his gun aside and falling to his knees, immediately reaching for Mac, panic running through his body. “Mac, buddy, can you hear me?” Jack touched Mac’s face frantically, his hands shaking as he tried to find the pulse. Feeling the weak but steady beating underneath his fingers, Jack let out a small sigh of relief, cradling Mac’s face, frowning when he noticed Mac was burning up. “Mac, come on, open your eyes.”

After a few seconds, Mac shifted with a groan and he blinked his eyes open, and looked at Jack with confusion, his eyes glossy and unfocused. “No, it’s impossible.” Mac muttered, turning his head away from Jack. “Impossible, Jack’s in LA.”

“I’m right here, buddy.” Jack said, grabbing Mac’s face and gently tilting his head back so he could face him. “I’m right here.”

“No.” Mac breathed out. “Jack… can’t be here. He would… wouldn’t come.”

“Your faith in me astounds me.” Jack chuckled weakly even though it felt as if had been stabbed. “Of course I came.”

“Now he knows…” Mac mumbled so quietly that Jack had to lean forward to hear him better. “He knows life’s better… without me. He’s happy now, without me.”

“Happy without-“ Jack sputtered, his heart literally breaking in half. “Mac, look at me.” Waiting for Mac’s eyes to trail back to him, Jack rubbed his thumb gently against Mac’s cheek. “My life sucks without you, do you understand it?”

“No, it’s okay.” Mac whispered in such a small voice that Jack felt like crying. “It’s okay, I just want him… to be happy.”

Realizing that discussing with Mac in his current state was probably useless, Jack swallowed down the lump in his throat and focused on assessing Mac’s injuries. “Hey, Mac, can you focus for me for a sec?” He started, searching Mac’s eyes, hoping to get through the feverish fog clouding Mac’s mind. “I see you’re sportin’ a nice bloody wound on your arm, but you need to tell me if anything else hurts.”

“I was just… trying to protect Jack.” Mac breathed out and Jack frowned, briefly wondering what Mac meant and from what exactly he was trying to protect him. Unfortunately, Mac decided to enlighten him and Jack’s heart fell when the next words stumbled from Mac’s lips. “… from myself.”

“Jesus Christ, Mac.” Jack whispered, his vision blurring with tears. “What the hell is goin’ on in that brain of yours?” He asked, running his fingers through Mac’s hair. “Mac, please.” He spoke louder. “Tell me what hurts.”

“Mmm, m’ribs.” Mac muttered and Jack cursed internally – he had a feeling Mac getting smashed against the rocks probably had done a number on him. “My leg.” Mac added after a moment, his voice barely audible and Jack moved to lift the blanket Mac was curled up under, wincing when he saw a gash on Mac’s leg, right above where his boot ended.

“Jack…” Mac’s weak voice made Jack’s head snap up and he instantly shifted to his previous position, gently touching Mac’s face. “He’s… I’m so selfish, but… I wish he was here.” Mac all but whimpered, and Jack felt as if someone ripped his heart out of his chest and threw it into a blender.

“I’m right here, baby.” Jack said softly, the pet name slipping from his lips without him even noticing as tears rolled down his cheeks, his hands trembling.

“But he’s… better off without me.” Mac continued, his head leaning into the touch of Jack’s hand, his warm breath ghosting on Jack’s skin. “He’s safer… without me. He doesn’t… want me back.”

“God, what are you talking about, Mac?” Jack asked in a whisper, knowing Mac wouldn’t hear him anyway – he was too caught up in the delirium, his mind was playing tricks on him because of the fever and exhaustion.

Hearing the footsteps behind him, Jack instinctively tensed, but forced himself to relax when he heard Brooks’ voice. “How’s he doing?”

“Except for the wound in his arm, he has a nice gash on his leg and his ribs are probably busted.” Jack sighed, glad his voice didn’t waver. “He’s also running a fever.”

“You think he’d be okay to stay here for the night?” Brooks asked and Jack turned to look at him with a frown. “It’s getting late, I don’t think we’re going to make it back to the base before it gets dark.”

Cursing, Jack ran his fingers through his hair. Driving through the desert while it was dark was a very bad idea, they would be visible from afar and an easy target for an ambush. “He should be fine.” Jack said, looking sadly at Mac who was muttering something intelligible. “But contact the medical on the base and ask the doc if there’s anything in our first aid kit that we can give him to lower that fever. And bring me the kit, I need to dress the wounds. Oh, and a few blankets from the car.” He added, figuring they would need them if they were going to spend the night.

“Will do.” Brooks nodded. “There’s another cave next to this one, so we’ll set up there and we’ll take turns keeping the watch. You just focus on Mac.”

As it turned out, thanks to Jack wanting to be prepared for anything, their first aid kit was equipped and stocked like for the end of the world and Brooks managed to find antibiotics and fever reducers the medic from the base had suggested. Actually getting the meds inside Mac and making him swallow them proved to be a bit more difficult, but Jack somehow managed and after cleaning his wounds as best as he could and dressing them, he bundled Mac up in the blankets they had brought, trying to make him as comfortable as possible. Wrapping another blanket around his own shoulders, Jack leaned against the wall, his eyes never leaving Mac’s sleeping form – he was not letting him out of his sight for even a second. The last time Jack did that, Mac had wound up re-enlisting and getting on the plane to the Sandbox, and Jack wasn’t going to make that mistake again.

As he sat there watching over Mac, Jack couldn’t help but go back to everything Mac had mumbled before he fell asleep. His heart clenched painfully when he remembered Mac muttering about protecting Jack from himself and Jack being better off without him, and the worst thing was that Mac probably truly felt that way – the fever only removed the filter and any inhibitions Mac usually had about sharing his feelings, but it didn’t make him say anything he wasn’t already feeling deep inside. And the fact that apparently Mac thought that Jack was actually happier without him and that he didn’t want him to come back made Jack want to scream in frustration and cry at the same time.

The other thing that Jack couldn’t get out of his head was Mac’s overwatch. Jack could feel the anger building up in him at a mere thought of the guy and he clenched his fists, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself before he did something stupid like punch the wall of the cave. Jack still couldn’t quite believe that someone could do something like this – leave another soldier, a brother-in-arms, behind to die without a second thought – but the video didn’t lie and there was no doubt that all of it really had happened.

Glancing at Mac who was breathing shallowly, curled in himself, his face as pale as a ghost’s, Jack shuddered in a barely contained fury – the light of his life had come dangerously close to fading away and Jack was going to destroy the man responsible for that.

It wasn’t until a few hours later when Mac started stirring again. It was already completely dark outside, so Jack had his flashlight on, positioned it in the way it would shine right up and brighten the cave as much as possible.

Opening his eyes, Mac blinked a few times and looked around in confusion, and when their eyes met, Jack was relieved to see they were much more clearer than before. “Jack?”

“Hey there, buddy.” Jack smiled. “Now you believe I’m real?”

“What?” Shifting, Mac must have turned a bit too violently because he suddenly groaned in pain and Jack instantly put his hands on Mac’s shoulders to stop him from moving.

“You were pretty out of it when I found ya.” Jack touched Mac’s sweaty forehead gently, checking his temperature – he was still too warm, but it seemed the fever was lower than before. “You were sure I was a hallucination or somethin’.”

“I… I can’t believe you’re here.” Mac breathed out, looking at Jack like he was a fucking eighth wonder of the world.

“I’m not sure why you sound so damn surprised, man.” Jack raised his eyebrow, his heart cracking because with a painful jolt he realized that Mac really didn’t expect anyone to come looking for him. “We’ve been over this, I’m always gonna come and get ya.”

“I just… I just figured that…” Mac trailed off, looking away, but Jack knew exactly what he was going to say.

“That I’m happier without you and wouldn’t want you back?” Jack finished for him, smiling sadly when Mac’s eyes snapped back to him, wide in shock. “Yeah, you were pretty talkative before, buddy. And you’ve said a couple of things, but we’re gonna unpack that once I get you back to the base, alright?”

Reluctantly, Mac nodded, and they were both silent for a few moments. “I’m really glad you’re here, Jack.” Mac eventually said, his voice so quiet Jack could barely hear it.

“Nowhere else I’d rather be.” Jack replied softly. “I’m just sorry it took us a minute to find you.”

“Us?”

“Oh, yeah, the guys from the Phoenix tac team.” Jack clarified with a half grin. “They’re outside keeping watch.”

“I can’t believe Matty let you… bring the team.” Mac muttered weakly, that surprised look that Jack was slowly starting to hate present in his eyes.

“She didn’t let me bring anything, she was the one to offer.” Jack said, looking at Mac earnestly. “I don’t get it, Mac, why are you so surprised by all of this? Did you really think we would just abandon you?” He asked, ignoring how much saying that out loud hurt his soul.

“I just didn’t think I was…” Mac started, trailing off, and Jack already knew he was not going to like the ending of that sentence. “I didn’t think I was worth the trouble.”

Feeling as if someone smashed something against his head, Jack needed a few seconds to recover. “I’m sorry, Mac, but you’re gonna have to say that again. Because what I heard was that you think you’re not worth the trouble and I surely must have misheard ya.” Seeing Mac look away, Jack closed his eyes, his heart hurting as if someone pierced it with a spear. “Mac, I would jump into the fire after you, I actually have, several times if I remember correctly. When have I ever given you the idea that you’re not worth saving?” Jack asked, his voice breaking along with his heart.

“I just… I don’t…” Mac stuttered out, closing his eyes as a pained expression showed on his face, and Jack realized that talking probably made Mac’s ribs hurt even more.

“Hey, it’s okay, shhhh.” Jack instantly hushed him, looking at Mac worriedly. “We’ll figure it out later, okay?” He said softly, running his fingers through Mac hair, ignoring the urge to wrap Mac in his arms – with Mac’s injuries it probably wasn’t the best idea. “It’s a real mess up there in that pretty head of yours, isn’t it, huh?” Jack said with a small laugh that he knew sounded too strangled to fool anyone. “Oh, no, hush you.” Jack instantly added, seeing Mac open his mouth to reply. “We’re gonna talk it out once we get ya back to the base and it doesn’t feel like you’re being impaled every time you try to say a word, alright?”

“Okay.” Mac whispered almost soundlessly, his eyes dropping as he was clearly struggling to stay awake. Keeping his fingers tangled in Mac’s hair, Jack made himself more comfortable and since there was no one else in the cave and Mac’s eyes were closed, he let his guard down for a moment, looking at Mac softly, his heart bursting with how much he loved the man lying by his side.

“You just rest, buddy. I ain’t goin’ anywhere.”

* * *

_“Well, as long as you got me around, you got family. I mean, I ain’t going anywhere.”_

_“Thanks.”_

_“Yeah, man.”_

* * *

The moment it got bright in the early morning, Jack ordered the team to gather all of their things and put everything back in the cars. There was no way to get the car right next to the cave, the ground was too steep and there were too many rocks lying around, but Ford brought the Humvee as close to the hill as he could. Lifting Mac gently, Jack managed to get him down without too much jostling, Mac groaning in pain only a few times, and shortly after Jack was settting him down in the backseat of the car. Sending Ford to ride in the second car, Jack got behind the wheel with Rodriguez in the passenger seat and started driving as fast as he could, doing his best to avoid any bumps in the road, not wanting to cause Mac any more pain.

It felt as if they had been driving for ages and Jack breathed out in relief when he finally saw the Forward Operating Base Collins looming in the distance. They had radioed the base before, so the medics were already waiting for them, quickly rushing to Mac’s side the moment Jack pulled over and cut the engine. Leaving the team to take care of their weapons and gear, Jack followed the medics, watching in silence as they worked on Mac, examining his injuries and cleaning the wounds on his arm and leg. Only after Mac was settled in a bed, hooked up to various tubes and fluids, safe and sound, Jack dared to release the breath he was holding. One of the medics assured him that Mac would be out for at least a few hours after the painkillers they had given him, so after looking at Mac’s sleeping form for a few seconds, Jack clenched his fists and walked out of the medical tent.

He had a man to hunt down.

Wondering where he should start, Jack stood in the middle, considering his options. He didn’t even know the name of Mac’s overwatch, but he was sure someone would be able to tell him where to find that guy – Jack was convinced that poor excuse of an overwatch didn’t have many fans around the base – not after what he had done to a fellow soldier.

“Excuse me, sir?” An voice sounding behind him brought Jack back from his thoughts and when he turned around, he was faced with two men in uniforms, probably only a few years older than Mac. “I’m Specialist Matthew Ellis, sir, and I’m-“

“You’re that EOD tech from the bunk next to Mac’s.” Jack interrupted him with a smile, instantly remembering the name from Mac’s email. Glancing at the man standing next to Ellis, Jack’s smile widened. “And you must be his overwatch. Former Delta, am I right?”

“Yes, sir.” The man straightened. “Sergeant Luke Robbins.”

“Well, pleasure to meet you two.” Jack nodded with a small grin. “Anything I can do for ya?”

“We just wanted to ask how MacGyver is doing.” Ellis said and Robbins nodded in agreement.

“He’s pretty banged up, but he’ll be fine. Eventually.” Jack said, the expression on his face darkening. “Tell me, fellas, you wouldn’t happen to know the name of his overwatch and where I could find him, would ya?”

“Sergeant John Wilson.” Robbins spat out the guy’s name as if it was poison. “We’ve just seen him around the corner.”

“Sir, before you go and… talk to him.” Ellis pausing in the middle of the sentence only confirmed that he was very much aware of what kind of conversation Jack would be having with Wilson. “Has MacGyver told you anything about him?”

“He hasn’t said a word before.” Jack replied with a sigh. “And now he really wasn’t in a shape to talk.” Eyeing the two men, Jack suddenly had a feeling he wasn’t going to like what he was about to hear. “Anything I should know about?”

“Well.” Ellis started, exchanging a look with Robbins. “Last month, I could tell something had happened because MacGyver seemed off, but he claimed everything was fine.” Not able to stop himself, Jack rolled his eyes – typical Mac, assuring everyone around he was fine when he clearly wasn’t. “Eventually he admitted something went down between him and Wilson, but he didn’t say what and I didn’t push.” Ellis said, gesturing at Robbins to continue.

“The two of us had been called to an IED later that day, but when we got back, I overheard Wilson with a few of his buddies.” Robbins started and Jack didn’t miss the way his body tensed as he kept talking. “He was bragging about teaching MacGyver a lesson and Ellis had told me before that something went down… so I pretended to be curious and asked Wilson to share what happened.” Robbins paused for a second before continuing. “Apparently, MacGyver and Wilson had been looking for an IED in one of the towns for hours and eventually had gotten orders to get back to base.” Jack closed his eyes with a pained expression on his face – he was hit with a major déjà vu and he already knew what he was about to hear. “But MacGyver had been convinced there was a bomb somewhere and had told Wilson he wouldn’t leave. And he had taken off on his own trying to find it.”

“God dammit, Mac.” Jack muttered, shaking his head fondly – Mac would never change.

“Wilson told me that he had been waiting by the car when MacGyver had suddenly radioed him, saying he was about to have some company and that he could use his help.” Robbins said, the expression on his face dark. “But Wilson had responded that since MacGyver had chosen to run off, he was on his own.”

“You’re fucking kiddin’ me.” Jack growled almost shaking in fury and clenching his fists tightly. “You’re tellin’ me he had left Mac behind not once but twice?”

“Yeah.” Ellis nodded with a grim expression on his face. “From what we know, MacGyver was right and there was a bomb. He managed to disarm it and he dealt with that armed man by himself. But Wilson was pretty smug about teaching MacGyver a lesson, he repeated that part a few times.”

“Speaking of the devil.” Robbins muttered with narrowed eyes and when Jack followed his gaze, he saw another soldier standing nearby. “That’s Wilson.”

“Alright.” Jack rolled his shoulders. “Excuse me, gentlemen.”

Putting a completely neutral expression on his face, Jack strode towards Wilson, itching to finally get his hands on the man that was responsible for Mac getting hurt. “You’re Wilson, am I right?” He asked when he got close enough and the man’s head snapped up.

“Who the hell are you?” Wilson asked, eyeing Jack suspiciously.

“Someone that in about five minutes you’re gonna wish you’ve never met.” Jack replied, his voice calm and low. He was aware other soldiers were stopping around them to see what was going on and that they had attracted a small crowd already, but Jack didn’t care. “Tell me, Wilson, how often do you leave your fellow soldiers behind to die?”

“Is that about MacGyver?” Wilson rolled his eyes and Jack had to force himself to stand still and not pounce on the man right away. “I had no other choice.”

“Bullshit.” Jack spat out. “I’ve seen the video, you did nothin’ to cover him and at the first sign of trouble you made yourself scarce.” He continued, his voice still deadly calm. “Unfortunately for you, the man you left behind to die is one of the most important people in my life.” _The most important person in the world, my everything._ “And I don’t do well with people putting my family in danger.”

“What are you going to do? Report me?” Wilson laughed loudly. “Good luck with that.”

“Oh, I think the wheels are already in motion here, man.” Jack smirked coldly. “I’m sure the command’s already seen the video, so you can expect a call about that very soon. But I’m a fan of a more… direct approach.”

Not waiting for Wilson to react, Jack threw the first punch, his fist hitting Wilson’s jaw and sending him stumbling backwards. Grabbing him by his shirt, Jack pulled him closer, punching him a few more times, Wilson not able to block any of the hits. Before the man could straighten up, Jack send him tumbling to the ground with a solid kick, enjoying the pained sound that escaped from Wilson’s throat. “Now, Wilson.” Jack started, circling him as Wilson tried to catch his breath on the ground. “Are you familiar with the old rule _an_ _eye for an eye_?” Without waiting for him to reply, Jack kicked him again, even harder than before, his combat boot colliding with Wilson’s ribs with a satisfying _thud_. “Hammurabi, the king of Babylonia, put it in his code, pretty cool if you ask me.” Jack delivered another kick, followed by a hard stamp of his boot aimed once again at Wilson’s ribs and Jack hoped at least a few of them were already cracked. “I made a mistake once of asking my genius partner about that and I got an hour long history lecture in return, but hey, at least I learned something useful.”

“You son of a bitch.” Wilson wheezed out, looking around, but no one was coming to help him – everyone turned their gazes away just like Jack had thought they would – leaving a brother-in-arms behind had put Wilson in everyone’s bad graces.

“Oh, you ain’t seen nothing yet.” Jack said coldly, taking out his knife. “See, the blast cracked a few of Mac’s ribs, so we’ve got that covered. But the shrapnel also grazed his leg.” Saying that Jack bent down and with one quick move he slashed at the Wilson’s leg, Wilson screaming in pain, blood slowly seeping from the long gash Jack’s knife left behind.

“Now…” Jack went back to circling Wilson like a predator circles his prey. “I believe there’s one more thing left.” Putting the knife away, Jack reached for his thigh holster and took out his gun. Without any warning, he pointed the gun at Wilson, his grip steady as ever, and he fired without a hesitation, aiming for Wilson’s arm. “Be glad I’m not taking you to the middle of the desert to leave you there because that thought sure as hell crossed my mind.”

Clutching his arm tightly, Wilson panted and groaned in pain, glaring at Jack. “You son… of a bitch, you’re… gonna pay for this.”

Ignoring Wilson’s words completely, Jack slowly walked up closer to him. “I heard you like teaching others lessons, Wilson.” Jack said with a cold smirk on his face. “So in return, consider this a lesson for you. And would you look at that, all of it free of charge. A pretty sweet deal if I say so myself.”

With that, Jack turned on his heel and began walking away, catching Robbins and Ellis stare at him with admiration that they were clearly trying to conceal but with no success.  

“Y’all, you should probably get a medic for him or somethin’.” Jack called out over his shoulder, addressing everyone that had been watching the show. “He’s lookin’ a little pale, don’t ya think?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave a comment if you liked it! ♥


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there!
> 
> Here we go again, another chapter! I really thought this one would be the last, but it didn't work out - I think this fic is cursed and impossible to finish. But anyway, I hope you like it! 
> 
> PS. Check out the casting for Ellis and Robbins [here](http://dont-stop-believin-in-klaine.tumblr.com/post/182630310704/specialist-matthew-ellis-left-eod-technician) on tumblr!
> 
> And check out the Phoenix tac team [here](http://dont-stop-believin-in-klaine.tumblr.com/post/182634644194/meet-the-bravo-team-the-phoenix-tac-teamexfil)!

Feeling the consciousness slowly creeping on him, Mac opened his eyes, sluggishly trying to blink the bleariness away. His limbs heavy, Mac frowned and it took him a few seconds to identify his surroundings and realize that he was no longer in the cave – he was back on the base. Suddenly, a wave of memories came crashing into his mind, Jack’s soft voice, him running his fingers gently through Mac’s hair, Jack carrying him out of the cave… Feeling a sharp pain in his chest that had nothing to do with his injuries, Mac frantically looked around and it wasn’t until his gaze fell on a figure on the chair by his bed that the pain subdued and Mac was able to breathe.

Jack was dozing off, head propped on his hand and his legs stretched in front of him. He was dressed in all black and his thigh holster was still in place which probably meant that Jack hadn’t changed after getting back from the desert – the only things that were missing were his bulletproof vest, the long-sleeved black tactical shirt and the gloves, but that didn’t make him look any less lethal and dangerous. And hot.

Since Jack was asleep and wouldn’t catch him looking, Mac let his eyes linger on Jack’s well-toned arms that were exposed even more thanks to the snug t-shirt Jack was currently wearing. After a moment, Mac reluctantly shifted his gaze, moving it to Jack’s face and he was immediately hit with burning guilt when he noticed the dark circles under Jack’s eyes and the tired lines on his face. Judging by how quickly Jack had found him, he must have gotten on the plane not long after the ambush and from the exhausted look on his face Mac could tell Jack probably hadn’t slept much ever since. And it was all Mac’s fault.

He had sworn he would keep Jack as far away from the Sandbox as possible and he had failed – he couldn’t even do that one thing right.

Shifting on the bed, Mac groaned at the sudden sharp pain in his ribs and the second the sound slipped from his lips, Jack was sitting up straight, his eyes snapping open instantly. His hand was already reaching for his gun as Jack’s eyes darted around in search of danger, and it wasn’t until his gaze fell on Mac that his body relaxed, the look on his face softening immediately. “Hey, bud, you’re awake.” Jack smiled, leaning forward with his elbows propped on his thighs. “How are you feelin’?”

“Like I got-“ Mac started, but paused because for the first time since he had woken up he got a good look at Jack’s hands and he instantly noticed his bruised knuckles. “What happened to your hands?”

“That? Oh, that’s nothin’.” Jack shrugged, glancing at his hands and waving dismissively.

“Jack.” Mac gave him a pointed look. “What did you do?”

“Nothin’ you should worry your pretty head with.” Jack replied with a lopsided grin, the kind that always made Mac swoon a little. “Now, don’t change the subject, hoss – how are you feelin’?”

“Like I got run over by a tank.” Mac finished his previous thought, realizing he wasn’t going to get anything out of Jack – at least not in that moment. “How bad is it?”

“Ah, you know, the usual.” Jack said, sounding seemingly light, but Mac could hear the underlying tightness in his voice. “Cuts, bruises, dehydration, a few broken ribs, a gunshot wound. The whole shabang.”

Hearing Jack’s tired voice and once again taking in the dark circles under his eyes, the guilt slammed into Mac again, this time with a double force. “Look, man, I’m sorry.” Mac started, turning his gaze away. “I’m sorry you had to fly all this way because of me-“

“I’m gonna stop you right there.” Jack cut him off and when Mac glanced at him, Jack was looking at him with a serious expression on his face. “You have nothin’ to be sorry about, do you understand?”

“But you hate this place more than anything.” Mac looked at him sadly. “And it’s my fault that you had to come back here.”

“Jesus, Mac.” Jack sighed. “For someone so smart you can be really dumb sometimes, ya know? There’s no place in the world where I wouldn’t go to get you if you were in trouble. Even the Siberia and you know I hate freezing my ass off.” Jack added with a small grin.

“Thanks, man.” Mac replied quietly, doing his best to ignore the warmth in his chest and his heart beating faster at the thought of Jack caring enough to always try and save him. _He’s just being a good friend, that’s it_ , the voice in Mac’s head whispered and no matter how much it hurt, Mac knew it was right. “So,” Mac paused before asking the question he dreaded the answer to. “When are you flying back?”

“What?” Jack frowned, tilting his head like a confused dog, and Mac cursed himself – he shouldn’t find it this as adorable as he did.

“When are you going back to LA? I’m sure the Phoenix has enough work for-“

“ _We_ are flying home as soon as you’re well enough to spend over sixteen hours locked up on the plane.” Jack interrupted him, looking at Mac as if he was crazy.

“What?” It was Mac’s turn to frown this time. “I can’t just leave, I have my tour to-“

“Mac, buddy.” Jack cut him off, grabbing his hand with a gentle look in his eyes. “After everything that’s happened to you? You’re gettin’ discharged, man. With honors, obviously.”

“… oh.” Mac breathed out, realization finally dawning on him. It made sense, he supposed – he had gotten hurt pretty badly – he just didn’t think it was bad enough for him to actually get discharged. Realizing it was really over, the feeling of relief spread through Mac’s body because even though he had spent the last three months trying to convince himself he would be fine, he knew he had been lying to himself. Since the day when he had disarmed his first bomb during this tour, since the moment he had frozen, his hands trembling, Mac knew that he had made a big mistake coming back to Afghanistan. And that feeling had only intensified with time and ever since that search for an IED and Wilson ignoring Mac’s call, Mac wanted nothing more than to go back home.

“Let me guess.” Jack’s voice brought him out of his thoughts and when Mac looked at him, Jack was watching him with an amused yet also pained expression on his face. “You didn’t realize you were hurt bad enough to get out, did you?” He asked, basically voicing Mac’s thoughts and Mac’s eyes widened in surprise. “Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Jack sighed, shaking his head fondly. “You’re always downplaying your injuries, makes sense you figured you’d just bounce right back.”

Shrugging as much as he could with his left arm in a sling, Mac didn’t say anything, knowing there was no point in denying what Jack had just said. He also wondered how Jack would react if he found out that Mac was actually relieved he didn’t have to stay in the Sandbox any longer – Mac himself felt weak and pathetic for not being able to last only more than a few months and he couldn’t help but ponder if Jack would share this sentiment.

“Look, man.” Jack started after a moment of silence. “There’s something that’s been buggin’ me, but feel free to tell me to fuck off if you don’t wanna talk about it.” Jack paused as if he was searching for the right words. “When you called from the airport you said that you needed distance and I assumed you meant from your old man, and I mean, I totally get it, dude. I wish you didn’t take such drastic measures, but I definitely understand wanting to run away from everything that happened. But after you left I kinda got the vibe that your father was not the only thing you were running from.” Mac didn’t like the direction this conversation was heading, but he waited for Jack to finish before he could asses how much of a damage control he would have to do. “It kinda felt like you were tryin’ to get away from the rest of the team as well. Get away from me.” Jack paused and Mac’s heart dropped – somehow Jack had figured him out and Mac probably shouldn’t be this surprised – Jack had always been exceptionally good at reading him, almost since the very beginning. “I guess what I’m asking is if I’ve done anything that… that made you need space from me.” Jack finished, his voice cracking on the last word, making Mac’s heart crack right along with it.

Taking a deep breath, Mac ignored his ribs screaming in protest and closed his eyes for a few seconds. He knew he could just say he didn’t want to talk about it – Jack gave him that option and Mac loved him for that, but he knew Jack deserved better than this.

Jack deserved the truth.

“You’re right. Kind of.” Mac started slowly. “You were one of the reasons I had to leave, but not because you did something wrong. And not because I needed space.” Biting his bottom lip, Mac refused to look at Jack. “When I was staying at the ranch I realized that… sooner or later, everyone always leaves. I’m either too much or not enough, so no one ever stays.” Mac continued, his voice quiet and hollow. “And I knew it was only a matter of time before you realized you’re better off without me and I just… I didn’t want to be around when you figured that out. And I knew that you leaving would hurt more than any of the previous times, so I thought that maybe… maybe it would be less painful if I left first.”

“God, Mac.” Jack whispered after a few seconds, his voice hoarse, and when Mac risked glancing at him, Jack’s eyes were full of tears. “How many times do I have to tell you that I ain’t goin’ anywhere? No matter what happens, buddy, I’m here to stay.” Jack grabbed the chair he was sitting on and pulled it even closer to the bed, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the mattress, looking Mac straight in the eye. “I need you to believe me, Mac. I ain’t leaving. You’re stuck with me for as long as you want me by your side. And that’s a promise.”

His throat suddenly dry, Mac swallowed down and turned his gaze away, blinking rapidly to prevent his eyes from welling up. While there was still a small part of him that was terrified of being left behind, Mac pushed it away because he wanted to believe Jack more than anything. “Mac, look at me.” Jack’s voice sounded from his side and when Mac shifted his gaze back to him, he was struck by the look in Jack’s eyes – he didn’t remember ever seeing Jack look at him _that_ softly. “Have I ever broken any of my promises to you?” Jack asked and Mac instantly shook his head, not trusting his voice. “So do you believe me now? That I ain’t leaving you?” Looking into Jack’s dark eyes, eyes of the person that he trusted more than anyone in his life, Mac realized with a start that he did believe him. Knowing Jack still waited for him the answer the question, Mac nodded shakily and he could only hope that he was still as good at concealing his feelings as he had been, and that all of his love for Jack didn’t show up on his face. “I’m gonna need to hear you say it.” Jack gave him a soft, teasing grin. “Come on, man, humor me.”

Biting his lip, Mac tried not to smile, but it was a futile effort – it never took much to make him smile if Jack was around. “I believe you.” Mac eventually said, his heart stuttering when the smile on Jack’s face widened.

“Good.” Jack grabbed Mac’s hand and gave it a firm squeeze. “Now that we got that outta way, how about we also tackle the issue of you feelin’ like you need to protect me from yourself?” Seeing the smile vanishing from Mac’s face, Jack gave him a pointed look. “And don’t even bother tryin’ to tell me it was the fever talkin’, we both now it ain’t how this works. The fever didn’t make you say anything that wasn’t already bouncin’ around in that magical brain of yours.”

Realizing there was no way to avoid this conversation, Mac figured he had no choice but to tell Jack the truth – if he didn’t, Jack would be able to tell he was lying and that would only make the conversation even harder. “Look, Jack, we both know I’m not safe to be around.” Mac sighed. “I’m either making things blow up, poisoning myself with a nerve gas or jumping out of the buildings, and you’re always right by my side. But one day one of my crazy plans is going to backfire and I’m going to get you killed.” Once again Mac refused to look at Jack, too afraid of what he would see on his face. “Come on, you can’t tell me that in the last few months you haven’t noticed how much easier your life has been. No accidental fires, no being almost struck by a lightning, not having to replace your phone-“

“Stop, Mac. Just… stop.” Jack cut him off, his voice strained. “God, Mac, from where I’m standing it looks like the only person that needs protecting from yourself is you.” Looking at Mac with sad eyes, Jack shook his head in disbelief. “I’ve always known that brain of yours was a dangerous place, but I haven’t realized… Damn it, man, I’m never letting you run away like that again so you can go spiralin’ down without me to catch you before you fall.” Taking a deep breath, Jack closed his eyes and when he opened them a few seconds later, there was so much intensity in his gaze that Mac found himself unable to look away. “Now you listen to me carefully, Mac, ‘cause I ain’t gonna repeat myself and you’re about to get a piece of Jack Dalton wisdom.” Jack started, looking at Mac seriously. “There ain’t no safer place for me than by your side, man. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, you’ve saved my life more times than I can count. And if by any chance something goes wrong one day, it will never be your fault, do you understand?” Jack asked, waiting for Mac to give him a small nod before continuing. “Even if our luck runs out, that’s fine, because if you go kaboom, I go kaboom, Mac, that’s how we roll and that’s okay. No one else I’d rather die with, remember?” Jack gave him a small grin and Mac was instantly taken to that day when the Ghost had rigged his house to explode, to the moment right before disconnecting the bombs when Jack had smiled at him and for a few seconds the bombs hadn’t mattered. “And while we’re at it, dude.” Jack’s voice brought him back to the present. “The last few months have been an absolute hell without you. I spent every day wishing you were by my side, so no matter how much easier you think my life would be without you, I don’t fucking want it.” Unable to form any words, Mac just stared at Jack in shock, searching Jack’s eyes and finding nothing but pure honesty. “Broken phones be damned, man, I’d rather replace my phone every week than not have you right next to me.”

“Jack, I’m…” Mac trailed off, not knowing what to say. There was a chaos in his head, everything he had been feeling and thinking colliding with what Jack had just told him, and Mac struggled with separating the things that were true and the things that weren’t. It was something that didn’t happen very often, but in that moment, to put it simply, Mac was a mess.

“Hey, you don’t have to say anything right now.” Jack immediately came to his rescue, as he always did. “I know you need time to process everything you just heard and think it over. You and that freaky brain of yours.” Jack added softly, gesturing at Mac’s head. “So we can talk about somethin’ else now, I could catch you up on what’s been goin’ on? Or I can make myself scarce for a moment to give you time-“

“No.” Mac blurted out before Jack could even finish the sentence, not ready for Jack to by anywhere else than right next to him, no matter how messed up it sounded. “Stay, please.”

“Alright, I’m stayin’.” Jack replied with an easy smile, making himself comfortable on the chair in a very exaggerated manner that made the corners of Mac’s lips turn up. “Are we just enjoying our company in silence or are we talkin’? Up to you, dude.”

Focusing on the first thing that came to his mind, Mac raised his eyebrow. “You could tell me what happened to your hands.”

“Aw, man, you’re playin’ dirty.” Jack rolled his eyes fondly. “But you’re a smart guy, don’t tell me you haven’t figured it out already.”

And Jack was right, Mac had a certain idea what had happened, meaning that the jaw that had been introduced to Jack’s fists probably belonged to Wilson. Mac wasn’t even surprised by that, he knew that if their situations were reversed, he would have set on fire anyone who would dare to abandon Jack like that. And Mac would be lying if he said that the thought of Jack knocking Wilson out didn’t make him feel all fuzzy on the inside and he was unable to stop a small smile from appearing on his face. “So, I’m guessing you went a few rounds with Wilson.”

“Well… Kind of.” Jack replied slowly, suddenly shifting his gaze and looking anywhere but at Mac. “I did punch him a few times, but that was just… foreplay.”

Frowning in confusion, Mac tried to catch Jack’s eyes who still refused to look at him. “Jack.” Waiting for Jack to glance at him, Mac shot him a pointed look. “Jack?”

“Uhm, so you remember that Hammurabi dude you’ve told me about? And that code thing?”

“Yeah?” Mac frowned. “ _An eye for an_ \- no.” Mac’s eyes widened when he realized what Jack was implying. “Jack, what did you do?”

“I’m sorry, Mac, but that son of a bitch left you in the middle of fucking desert.” Jack growled. “It was only fair he got a taste of what happened to you.”

“Are you saying you dropped him in the middle of the desert with broken ribs and a gunshot wound?” Mac stared at Jack with disbelief written all over his face.

“Don’t forget about that nasty cut on your leg.” Jack muttered. “And I didn’t left him in the desert even though I really wanted to. But I figured I wouldn’t probably get away with _that_.”

“So what you did was… shoot him, cut him and break his ribs?”

“Yup.” Jack nodded with a cold smirk and glee in his eyes. “All with fucking pleasure.”

Momentarily speechless, Mac stared at Jack for a few seconds until he finally recovered and he couldn’t stop the laugh bubbling out of him which made Jack look at him in shock. The look on Jack’s face quickly shifted to concern when Mac’s laugh was immediately followed by a groan of pain, but even despite the ache in his ribs, Mac was unable to stop chuckling.

“I’m not gonna lie, hoss, I kinda expected a different reaction from you.” Jack said, hovering above Mac and looking at him with a mix of worry and amusement. “A lecture maybe, but definitely not that. Now, take it easy or your ribs are gonna kill ya.”

Leaning his head back and closing his eyes, Mac took a few shallow breaths. It took a moment, but eventually, he managed to calm himself enough for the pain to subdue. Opening his eyes, Mac saw Jack looking at him with concern in his eyes and after hearing what he had done to Wilson, it was taking everything in Mac’s power not to blurt out how much he loved the man standing above his bed, his hands hovering above him as if Jack wanted to touch him to make sure he was okay, but was afraid of accidentally causing him even more pain. Biting his tongue and swallowing down the _I love you so much_ , Mac just smiled. “Thank you, Jack.”

Blinking a few times, it took Jack a moment to reply. “You’re very welcome, bud. You’re seriously not gonna lecture me about how violence is not always the answer and yada yada yada?” Jack looked at him with astonishment, but the look on his face immediately softened when Mac shook his head, his smile slipping a little. “That piece of trash really did a number on you, didn’t he? But you don’t have to worry about him ever again.” Gently, Jack patted Mac’s healthy arm before plopping down on the chair and Mac briefly wondered what he had done in his previous life that made him deserve having a man like Jack Dalton in his life.

“Hey, Jack?” Mac asked after a moment of silence and Jack hummed in response. “Thank you. Not just for Wilson, but…” Mac paused, searching for the right words. “For looking out for me, for coming to get me. For not giving up on me.”

Looking at Mac with one of the softest smiles in the world, Jack raised his fist and with a small grin, Mac bumped it with his own. “Anytime, man. Anytime.”

* * *

As he stepped outside, Jack winced when he was hit with bright sunshine and a wave of hot air surrounding him instantly. It had been four days since they found Mac and brought him back to the base, and they finally got the green light from the medics who said that Mac was well enough to get through the journey back home. Jack himself was ecstatic and couldn’t wait to hop on the plane and get the hell out of Sandbox – it was hot, it was dry, sand was getting everywhere and he hated that place with passion. And even though Jack usually never held himself back when it came to voicing his complaints, this time he kept the whining to himself, not wanting to make Mac feel guilty again, not after Jack had worked so damn hard to clean up the mess in Mac’s head.

Even though it had been days, Jack still couldn’t stop thinking about what Mac had told him, his heart breaking every time he repeated their conversation in his head. He had known that Mac had his issues – something that James MacGyver deserved to be punched for – but Jack had been convinced that he was the one constancy that Mac didn’t worry about and trusted to always be by his side. And to think that Mac had tricked himself into believing that Jack was better off without him, that Jack was _happy_ without him and loved his life without Mac? It made Jack’s chest tighten painfully every time he thought about that. And the fact that Mac had felt like he had to protect Jack from himself because he thought he was too dangerous to be around paired with the self-loathing in Mac’s eyes made Jack want to scream.

While Mac had been telling him all of that, it took everything in Jack’s power not to tell him that Mac was the light of Jack’s life, the best thing that had ever happened to him, and that life without him didn’t make much sense, and that Jack would rather not live at all than live without Mac.

But the military base in Afghanistan was not the place to tell your partner that you had been in love with him for years and despite what Riley had said, Jack still wasn’t convinced there was a chance for Mac to actually return his feelings. No matter how thrilling it sounded, it also sounded impossible, and if Jack ever got around to telling Mac the truth, he would rather have an option to try to salvage their friendship in case things went south than be stuck in the middle of a fucking desert.

For now, Jack decided to keep his feelings safely tucked away like they had been for years and focus on Mac. Mac who was starting to get restless and annoyed which was yet another reason why Jack was so glad they were flying home today – Mac didn’t do well with being stuck in bed, he got bored easily and that could result in something blowing up on the base, and Jack _really_ wanted to avoid that. For now it seemed that Jack had gotten away with kind of assaulting Wilson in the middle of the base, but if Mac accidentally (or not) blew up something out of boredom (or spite), they might not get that lucky again.

They were supposed to leave in about an hour and Jack volunteered to get Mac’s things from his bunk – well, more like forcibly sat Mac down and glared at him until Mac reluctantly agreed to let Jack handle that instead of grabbing his stuff himself.

Mac could huff in annoyance all he wanted – there was no way Jack was letting him carry anything heavier than his Swiss Army Knife.

Stepping inside the living quarters, Jack took a look around – everything looked almost exactly as it had in 2011 and Jack was instantly hit with a flashback, a memory of him meeting Mac for the first time. He hadn’t known it back then, but that moment, Mac trying to fix Jack’s rifle and Jack absolutely losing his shit over it – in that moment Jack’s life had changed forever.

He was about to ask someone to point him in the direction of Mac’s bunk, but he suddenly spotted Ellis sitting on one of the beds and from what Mac had said in his email, their bunks were right next to each other. To Jack’s amusement, the moment Ellis’ eyes fell on him, he jumped to his feet and second later Robbins jumped off the top bunk, both men straightening when Jack walked up closer.

“Mornin’, fellas.” Jack nodded in greeting, a smirk tugging his lips when he saw both Ellis’ and Robbins’ eyes trace his every move.

“Sir.” They replied at the same time and this time Jack couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m not your superior, boys, no need to swallow a stick every time I walk into a room.” He teased and the two men relaxed their stances albeit only slightly.

“You deserve all the respect, sir.” Robbins said and Ellis immediately nodded in agreement. “We’ve heard you’re flying out today.”

“That we do, I just came to gather Mac’s stuff.” Jack glanced at the bottom bunk he was standing next to. “That’s his bed, right?”

“Yes, sir.” Ellis confirmed, and both him and Robbins stepped back to make more room for Jack. Putting Mac’s sack and backpack on the bed, Jack started throwing in his things, bending down to retrieve some of Mac’s personal items that he was sure Mac had kept under his bed. Sure enough, he found a couple of books, Mac’s wallet, a pair of sunglasses, but what made him chuckle under his breath, was a small box of paperclips. He also found a few paperclips that Mac had obviously already had his fun with because they were bent in various shapes, and Jack barely managed to hide the gasp of surprise when he saw one that looked exactly like the arrow shaped insignia the Deltas wore on their sleeves and the other one that looked like a tiny version of Texas. His heart stuttering, he put both in his pocket, deciding to think about them later, but he was still distracted, so when he reached for Mac’s books to put them in the backpack, the top one fell on the floor. Bending down to pick it up, something caught Jack’s eye and when he opened the book on the first page, once again his heart did a funny flip in his chest. Inside, taped to the back of the hard cover, there was a picture of him and Mac standing on the deck at Mac’s house. As he looked at Mac’s smiling face, Jack couldn’t help but smile himself – it had been a while since he had seen Mac look so happy.

“You know, sir.” Ellis’ voice made Jack’s head snap up and when he looked at Ellis, the EOD tech was watching him with amusement. “I don’t know what’s inside that book, I never pried… But I think you should know that whenever MacGyver would look inside, he had the exact same soft smile on his face. Just like you do now.”

Gaping at Ellis in shock, Jack tried to come up with a response, but he was saved by Robbins who grabbed his partner’s arm. “And now we’re going to stop bothering you, sir, and we’ll go to say goodbye to MacGyver.” Robbins grinned, already walking away and pulling Ellis forcefully, effectively dragging him away from Jack.

Blinking in surprise, Jack shook his head in amusement as he watch the two men walk away. Closing his eyes for a few seconds to gather his thoughts, Jack focused on Mac’s belongings, throwing everything into the sack and the backpack, careful not to miss anything, knowing Mac would have his head if he accidentally left something behind. Once he double checked everything was packed up, he grabbed the bags and quickly headed back to Mac, not wanting to stay on the base any longer than they needed to. As he got closer to the medical tent, Jack could see Mac was standing outside, wearing his uniform, his left arm in a sling, and he was talking to Ellis and Robbins. The Phoenix tac team was waiting nearby, Brooks and Rodriguez chatting quietly while Tan, Ford and Evans seemed to be checking if all their gear was in place. Jack couldn’t even begin to describe how grateful he was for these guys who followed him to Afghanistan without a question, ready to search for Mac, no matter how long it could take. Jack knew he had kind of taken over the team, but Brooks, the team leader, had assured him he was completely fine with that – the guys had been more than happy to follow Jack’s orders.

Jack was definitely buying them a round of beers when they got home. Maybe even two.

Taking a moment to admire how handsome Mac looked in the uniform, Jack let his eyes linger for a few seconds before shaking himself out of it and closing the distance between himself and Mac.

“Ready to go?” Mac smiled at him, his eyes glinting happily and Jack did his best to ignore how damn beautiful he looked in that moment.

“Born ready.” He grinned back. “You sure you okay to walk to the airport?”

“I’m fine, Jack.” Mac rolled his eyes. “I managed to walk from the ambush site to that cave, I think I can manage a short walk to the airport.”

“Yeah, you’re obviously feelin’ better, you and that attitude of yours.” Jack grumbled under his breath, but he was secretly relieved – Mac throwing the sass around meant he was actually feeling better even though his ribs would continue to hurt and heal for a while and Jack just knew he would be forcing painkillers on Mac to knock him out for the duration of the flight.

But Jack would cross that bridge when he got there.

“Fellas, it’s been great to meet ya.” Jack said, addressing Ellis and Robbins. “You take care out there.”

“Will do, sir.” Robbins smiled. “Have a safe flight back home.”

“Thanks, guys.” Mac nodded before shifting his gaze back to Jack, arching his eyebrow in a silent question.

Adjusting his grip on Mac’s bags, Jack grinned at him widely. “Let’s go home, buddy.”

* * *

As they watched Dalton and MacGyver walk away, Dalton’s small army following right behind them, Robbins couldn’t help but smile. Dalton was watching MacGyver like a hawk, his eyes shifting to him almost every second as if he was constantly checking if MacGyver was really okay. On top of that, the guys from Dalton’s team were glancing around, their glares hard as steel, and Robbins was convinced that if anyone even dared to approach them, that person would be taken out before Dalton or MacGyver would even realize.

Robbins still didn’t know who these people were, but he knew one thing for sure – whoever MacGyver was, he had one hell of a family that was willing to do anything for him.

“It’s hard to believe this sassy, smiling MacGyver is the same MacGyver we’ve bunked next to for the last few months.” Ellis’ voice sounded next to him and when Robbins glanced at him, Ellis was smiling. “Also, have you seen the way they look at each other?”

“Of course I have.” Robbins grinned. It was hard not to and the second Robbins had noticed the way Dalton looked at MacGyver, he had recognized the look instantly – he saw it every time he looked in the mirror and thought of Matt.

“You think they’ll figure it out?” Ellis asked, quirking his eyebrow.

“We did.” Robbins winked, glancing around before brushing his hand against Matt’s. “And I hope they get it together soon – they sure as hell deserve it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave the comment if you enjoyed it! ♥


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there, surprise!
> 
> So, I really wasn't planning to update so soon, but as I was writing this chapter, I got carried away AGAIN, and with help of [BlackVultures](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVultures/pseuds/BlackVultures), I realized that there's no way to fit everything I wanted into this chapter. So I decided to wrap it up early and there will be one more chapter (HOPEFULLY, god, this fic is never-ending) after this one.
> 
> I really hope you like it! Oh, and check out [this post](http://dont-stop-believin-in-klaine.tumblr.com/post/182634644194/meet-the-bravo-team-the-phoenix-tac-teamexfil) to see how I cast the Phoenix tac team :)

Leaning back in his seat, Daniel Brooks closed his eyes, a smirk tugging on his lips as he listened to his teammates banter. “I’m telling you, I still have a shot to win this.” Tan argued which was quickly followed by the rest of the team chuckling.

“Alright, Lucky, let’s face it.” Rodriguez drawled. “You ain’t winning this time.”

“It has to happen at least every once in a while, it’s only fair.” Ford added. “Not so lucky today, Lucky.”

“Screw you, Nacho, you’ve lost before the game even started.” Tan mumbled and despite his eyes being closed, Brooks could easily imagine the annoyed expression on his face. “You bet they would get their shit together in ten hours after finding Mac which was completely unrealistic.”

Shaking his head with a smile, Brooks opened his eyes and looked around the jet. Dalton was standing on the other side, talking quietly on the phone, most likely with director Webber, judging by the tone of his voice. MacGyver on the other hand was out cold, asleep in his seat after Dalton had finally managed to get some painkillers into him that had effectively knocked him out around three hours ago.

And his team, a group of adult men, former military, battle-hardened soldiers, were behaving like high-schoolers, currently discussing a bet they had made back in Afghanistan when they were stuck in the cave, waiting for the morning so they could transport MacGyver back to the base. A bet that revolved around when exactly Dalton and MacGyver would come around and realize how hopelessly in love they were in each other, and finally act on it.

But, Brooks supposed, he had no right to judge his team since he had joined the bet as well.

Ford and Evans were already out of the game – like Tan had just mentioned, Ford had bet it would take them ten hours tops after they had found Mac to figure it all out, and while Evans had been a bit more generous and had given them one day, nothing had happened. Tan had bet it would happen during their journey back home which was the reason why he was currently twitching nervously – they still had a few hours left in the air, but judging how deeply asleep MacGyver was, Tan’s chances were starting to look pretty bleak.

Which meant Rodriguez and Brooks himself would be the only ones left standing. “Hey, Bolt.” Brooks grinned. “Since Goldie and Nacho are out, and Lucky can start kissing his money goodbye as well, looks like it’s you and me.”

“It’s gonna happen after they get home from the airport, I’m telling you, man.” Rodriguez replied, pointing his finger at him. “You’ll see.”

“I stand by what I said.” Brooks shrugged. “Starting from tomorrow, they’ll figure it out in a week tops.”

“Not if it happens in the next few hours.” Tan threw in, making everyone groan and roll their eyes.

“Can’t deal with losing, can you, Lucky?” Evans grinned and Brooks tuned the rest of the conversation out, his eyes shifting back to Dalton and MacGyver. Dalton who was still on the phone, but kept glancing at MacGyver every thirty seconds or so, his gaze so fond and worried that it was truly a miracle he was able to hide it from MacGyver on a daily basis. Although, Brooks suspected, MacGyver wouldn’t be able to connect the dots even if Dalton’s feelings metaphorically hit him in the face – as much of a genius as he was, he seemed to be clueless when it came to feelings, especially his own. While Dalton was an exceptionally good agent, one of the best operatives in the history of the Phoenix Foundation and previously DXS, he really wasn’t that good at hiding how he was feeling about MacGyver – as far as Brooks knew, most people at Phoenix had been wondering for years when these two would finally realize what was right in front of them.

And Brooks really hoped it would happen sooner rather than later – life was unpredictable, especially in their line of work, and wasting time like that simply wasn’t worth it.

Vowing to do something to push them in case they didn’t realize it by themselves in the nearest future, Brooks closed his eyes with a smile – he would force them into a storage closet and keep them locked up until they figured it out if he had to, and he had a feeling he would get some help with that from Dalton’s and MacGyver’s team.

Especially from Miss Davis.

* * *

After turning on his back yet again, Jack let out a deep sigh as he stared at the ceiling above his bed. One glance at the clock on his nightstand told him it was right after three in the morning and so far Jack had managed to fall asleep for maybe an hour if not less. It didn’t make much sense, Mac was home, Mac was _safe_ , and it was pointless for Jack to lie awake and worry about him instead of finally getting a normal amount of sleep for the first time in months.

Unfortunately, even though Jack was very good at lying to himself, this time it wouldn’t be enough. Because the truth was that while Mac was back home, Jack still had plenty of reasons to worry about him that he knew would keep him up at night for the foreseeable future.

Jack knew from his own experience how hard the transition back to a normal life was after a deployment and he wouldn’t wish that kind of struggle on anyone. And as much as Jack hoped that maybe Mac would be fine, that maybe it wouldn’t affect him that much, deep inside he was aware of how improbable it was. It didn’t matter that Mac’s tour was cut short and he had been deployed only for a few months – everything that had happened to him in Afghanistan had to take a toll on him, plus judging by the glimpse into Mac’s brain Jack had gotten both in the cave and on the base, Mac had already been in a bad place even before shipping out. And even though Mac seemed fine for now, Jack knew that all of that combined was bound to make something inside of Mac snap sooner or later, and the thought of that scared Jack more than anything.

He could only hope that when it happened, Mac wouldn’t bottle everything up like he usually tended to do and would let someone know that he wasn’t okay. Did Jack selfishly wish it would be him? Of course he did, but as long as Mac talked to anyone, Jack would be fine.

Turning to lie on his side, Jack closed his eyes, hoping to catch at least a little sleep, but his mind kept coming back to everything that had happened earlier that day. After finally touching down in LA, Jack had taken Mac home where everybody had been anxiously waiting for them. There had been tears and laughter while they all had hugged Mac, Bozer, Riley, Leanna, even Matty, and Jack hadn’t missed the way Matty’s face softened when Mac had whispered a quiet ‘ _thank you_ ’ in her ear. The only reason Jack had been able to hear it was because he had been standing right next to them and Jack honestly couldn’t remember the last time he had seen that kind of a teary look in Matty’s eyes.

They all had hung around for a while, but it had already been late when Jack and Mac had gotten to the house, so after an hour or so, Jack had called it a night, politely kicking everybody out. Mac’s eyes had been dropping and it had been obvious he was exhausted despite sleeping for a few hours on the plane, so after making sure everything was fine and checking in with Bozer, Jack had also gone home even though his entire body along with his mind had been screaming at him not to go. For a second Jack had thought Mac was going to ask him to stay from the way he had been looking at him, but then Mac had smiled and had given him a short hug, so Jack had headed back to his place.

And now, hours later, he was tossing in his bed, his mind occupied by Mac and Mac only.

Suddenly, there was a loud banging on the door and Jack was reaching for his gun before he even completely opened his eyes. Jumping out of the bed, he quickly pulled on the first pair of jeans he could reach (facing a potential attacker in just a t-shirt and boxers was no fun – but that was a story for another time) and headed to his living room, careful not to make any sound. Taking a deep breath, Jack raised his gun and swung the door open in one swift motion, his eyes widening in shock when he saw who was standing on the other side, and Jack immediately lowered his weapon, tucking it behind the waistband of his jeans.

His left arm in a sling, Mac’s hair was a mess and he was wearing a t-shirt he had been clearly sleeping in, a t-shirt that Jack’s brain belatedly recognized as his own, he had been looking for that thing for months, wondering where he had left it. But Jack pushed that thought away because that wasn’t what was important at the moment.

What was important was Mac who was watching him with a tormented look in his eyes, a look that Jack was all too familiar with.

Without a word Jack opened his arms and it was all that Mac needed to move forward and basically collapse against Jack, his right hand tightly clutching the material of Jack’s t-shirt as he buried his face in the crook of Jack’s neck. After kicking the door closed, mindful of Mac’s injuries, Jack gently wrapped his arms around him, holding him closely as Mac shuddered against him, his ragged breaths ghosting on Jack’s skin. Mac wasn’t crying which wasn’t surprising, but it didn’t make Jack feel any better – getting to see Mac like this, so thrown of balance, was almost as rare as witnessing Mac cry, and whatever had caused him to lose control like that must have been pretty awful.

As they stood like that in silence, Jack started running his hand in slow circles on Mac’s back and eventually Mac stopped shaking and Jack could feel his breathing was going back to normal. “Odd time for a visit, even for you, buddy.” Jack teased quietly, his words slightly muffled by Mac’s hair, and Jack counted it as a small success when Mac snorted out a laugh against Jack’s neck. “Wanna talk about it?” He asked softly, not surprised at all when a few seconds later Mac shook his head. “Wanna stay over?” Jack tried again and this time Mac nodded immediately and a moment later, Mac slowly pulled away, loosening his grip on Jack’s t-shirt and smoothing over the wrinkled material, and when Jack looked into his eyes, they were still troubled, but at least they didn’t seem as haunted and tormented as before.

“If you don’t mind.” Mac said quietly, his tired voice making Jack’s heart clench.

“Are you kiddin’? C’mon.” Jack rolled his eyes fondly, grabbing Mac’s healthy arm and gently pulling him along. “One condition though, you take the bed.”

“No, Jack, I can-“ Mac started protesting just as Jack knew he would.

“Not discussing with you here, hoss.” Jack cut him off, giving Mac his best pointed glare as they stepped into his bedroom. “I have a perfectly fine couch in the living room, so I’m golden.”

“If it’s so perfectly fine, why can’t I sleep there?” Mac asked with an arched eyebrow and a smirk that was weaker than usually, but it was a start.

“Because you deserve to sleep in a normal bed after months of these awful army bunks.” Jack replied without missing a beat. “Don’t think I forgot how uncomfortable they were. Besides, your ribs will thank me in the morning. Now, hop in.” Jack added, nodding in the direction of the bed.

Probably deciding that arguing with Jack was pointless, Mac only sighed as he took a few steps to reach the bed. After carefully removing his sling and setting it aside, Mac toed his shoes off and after a second of hesitation, he unbuttoned his jeans, shimmying them down (and Jack tried, he tried not to stare at Mac’s ass, but he failed miserably) before sliding into Jack’s bed. Once he was sure Mac was all settled in, Jack turned around and was about to leave the room when Mac’s quiet voice stopped him in his tracks.

“Hey, Jack?”

“Yeah?” Jack turned back to look at him and did his best to ignore how seeing Mac in his bed made him feel all warm inside.

“Thanks for letting me stay.” Mac said after a few seconds and something in the tone of his voice made Jack think that it wasn’t what Mac was planning to say, but Jack decided not to push him.

“You’re always welcome here, you know that.” Jack smiled. “Now get some sleep.”

Grabbing a pillow and a blanket from a dresser in the hall, Jack made his way to the couch. After setting his gun on the coffee table, he took his jeans off and threw them in a general direction of a chair before lying down on the couch and wrapping himself in the blanket. Sighing, he shifted to make himself more comfortable, all while listening carefully for any sounds coming from the bedroom. Hearing nothing but silence, Jack realized that having Mac so close, just behind the wall, eased the painful worry in his chest, making him realize how truly tired he really felt. Knowing that he could get to Mac in case his partner needed him made him feel so much calmer, so Jack closed his eyes, letting the exhaustion take over and not fighting sleepiness as he slowly felt himself drift away.

Little did he know that Mac felt pretty much the same way and the only reason that he was able to fall asleep was knowing that Jack was within his reach.

* * *

The first thing that Mac became aware of when he woke up was the smell of Jack surrounding him and enveloping him like a tight hug. Not opening his eyes, Mac nuzzled the pillow, breathing in and enjoying the instant comfort Jack’s smell brought him, and Mac let himself bask in it for a few seconds, trying to remember the last time he had felt this safe. If he focused hard enough, Mac could almost imagine Jack lying right next to him, but he quickly pushed the thought away. He had almost asked Jack to stay after he had gotten into his bed in the middle of the night, the words had been at the tip of his tongue, but in the end he had chickened out, simply thanking Jack for letting him sleep over. And maybe it was for the best because even though they had shared a bed before during various missions, this time Mac wasn’t sure he would have been able to stop himself from doing something stupid like snuggling against Jack or mumbling something embarrassing in his sleep.

And losing Jack because of not being able to hold back his feelings was not something Mac was willing to risk.

Hearing a noise coming from the kitchen, Mac realized that Jack was already up, so he slowly sat up, wincing at the dull ache in his ribs. As he looked around, Mac frowned when he noticed a pair of his sweatpants hanging on the chair next to bed that he definitely didn’t remember seeing before falling asleep. The fact that his clothes were at Jack’s apartment wasn’t that surprising, Mac’s house was full of Jack’s t-shirts as well, but the fact that the sweatpants weren’t there before meant that Jack must have put them on the chair this morning.

Mac must have been more exhausted than he thought if he managed to sleep through Jack coming into the bedroom and rummaging through his drawers and shelves. On the other hand, Jack could move silently like a cat if he wanted to, so maybe Mac could be excused for not noticing he was there this one time.

After putting the sweatpants on, Mac grabbed the sling and after glaring at it for a few seconds, he reluctantly started putting it on. He hated wearing it, but logically he knew it was necessary even though it annoyed the hell out of him. Besides, he knew that if he came out of the room without it, Jack would probably blow a gasket and start lecturing Mac on how he never takes his health seriously. After brushing his teeth in Jack’s bathroom (choosing to ignore how the fact that he had his own toothbrush at Jack’s place made his heart stutter), Mac stepped into the hallway and was immediately hit with a delicious smell of pancakes. Reaching the living room, he was faced with a sight of Jack, dancing around the kitchen and humming along to the music on the radio. Not able to hold back a smile, Mac walked closer and chuckled at a particularly ridiculous dance move Jack was pulling off, and the sound made Jack turn around, smiling widely when his eyes fell on Mac. “And here I thought I’d have to serve you breakfast in bed.” Jack grinned. “How are you feelin’?”

“I’m fine.” Mac replied sitting on one of the bar stools by the counter, the response coming out of him like a reflex before he even had time to think about it.

“Mhm, I’m sure you are.” Jack said, giving Mac a pointed look before grabbing a small bottle of pills and sliding them on the counter to Mac. “For your ribs.”

“Jack, I’m good, I don’t-“ Mac started, but paused when Jack’s glare hardened and his eyes narrowed. “Okay, fine.” Mac sighed in defeat, the expression on Jack’s face instantly shifting to a satisfied grin when Mac swallowed one of the pills.

“Good genius.” Jack set a plate full of pancakes in front of him before taking a seat next to Mac with a plate of his own. “Now, wanna tell me what brought you to my humble abode at three in the morning?”

“You’re not pulling your punches, are you?” Mac muttered, rolling his eyes as he shoved a piece of a pancake into his mouth.

“You know me, hoss, I like to deal with things head on.” Jack shrugged with a glint in his eyes. When Mac didn’t say anything, the look on Jack’s face softened and he leaned in, trying to catch Mac’s gaze. “How about I start to make it easier, huh?” Jack offered. “Let me guess, nightmares?”

Reluctantly, Mac nodded, his eyes trained on the plate in front of him. “It started a while ago, but it wasn’t that bad, it only happened every few nights. But… it was so much more detailed last night.” Mac set the fork aside so he could fiddle with his fingers. Jack didn’t say anything, patiently waiting for Mac to gather his thoughts, and Mac couldn’t help but shudder when the memories of the nightmare flooded his mind. “I was standing in the middle of a town in Afghanistan and… I failed, I didn’t find the bomb, I didn’t defuse it and it went off, and everybody around me was dead. There were bodies lying around me, soldiers, women, children… All of them dead because of me.” Swallowing down, Mac refused to look at Jack and he kept talking, wanting to get it all out before he lost the courage to relive the nightmare. “And then… you appeared out of nowhere. And the look in your eyes…” Mac trailed off. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look this disappointed and furious. And then when I tried to get closer to you… there were gunshots and suddenly you fell to your knees, with four bullets in your chest. And your last words before dying were ‘ _it’s all your fault, Mac’_.” Mac finished talking in a whisper, the words Jack had said to him in a dream still sounding clearly in his head.

“Damn, Mac.” Jack said after a few seconds, rubbing Mac’s shoulder comfortingly. “You do know it was just a nightmare, right? There’s nothin’, and I mean nothin’ you could do that would make me disappointed in you. And I know you always do your absolute best to try and save everyone, Mac. So whenever it doesn’t work out, it’s never your fault, I always know you did everything in your power to stop it. And when it comes to me…” Jack trailed off with a small grin. “If something ever happens to me, it’ll probably be my own damn fault anyway. I already told ya, whatever happens, it will never be your fault, Mac.”

“I… know that.” Mac nodded, running his fingers through his hair. “At least I think I do. But I just… couldn’t shake it off. And I needed to see you.” Mac admitted in a quieter voice. “Sorry for waking you up, by the way.”

“Hey, none of that, you don’t have to apologize.” Jack immediately protested. “My door’s open to you any time you want. Besides, I wasn’t sleepin’ anyway.”

Frowning, Mac was about to ask why when another thought popped into his mind. “Wait, shouldn’t you be at work?”

“Nah.” Jack grinned. “I called Matty after I got up and she told me not to bother showing up. So I’m all yours for the day if you want to hang out or somethin’.”

“I’d like that.” Mac said with a small smile.

“Awesome.” Jack hopped of the bar stool. “So, I was thinkin’, a movie marathon? And you get to pick the first one, how about that?”

Finally feeling the knot in his chest loosening up, Mac couldn’t help but grin back. “I’ll do you one better. _Die Hard_ marathon.”

“Dude.” Jack looked at him with wide eyes that were shining with joy. “You sure?”

Seeing Jack so happy was exactly why Mac had decided to go with _Die Hard._ It was also a great movie to distract him from everything, but the delight in Jack’s eyes was the main reason for Mac’s pick – if he could, Mac would spend the rest of his life trying to make Jack smile like that.

Soon enough, they were settled on the couch in Jack’s living room, the bowl of popcorn set between them as the movie started playing on Jack’s huge tv screen. Positioning himself so he would be comfortable and wouldn’t put too much pressure on his ribs, Mac found himself watching Jack more than he watched the actual movie. He knew it by heart and seeing Jack’s reactions to his favorite parts was way more entertaining and Mac’s heart was bursting with the affection he felt for his dorky partner.

They were halfway through the second movie when there was a sudden knocking on the door. Pausing the movie, Jack frowned, looking at Mac questioningly. “You didn’t order take out without telling me, did ya?” As Mac shook his head, Jack got up from the couch and made his way to the door. When he heard the sound of the door being opened, Mac expected either Jack or the visitor to say something, so he frowned when all he could hear was silence. He was about to turn around to see who was at the door, but he went completely still, his body tensing when he heard a voice of the last person he had expected at Jack’s doorstep.

“Agent Dalton.”

“Oversight.” Mac heard Jack reply and he didn’t need to see him to know Jack was probably glaring at James with a deadly stare. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk to my son.” James said and Mac winced, using the opportunity James could only see his back from where he was standing. “May I come in?” Taking one last breath, Mac stood up from the couch and turned around, just in time to see Jack move to his right, effectively blocking James as he tried to take a step into the apartment.

“Mac?” Jack glanced at him over his shoulder, a silent question in his eyes, and after a few seconds Mac nodded – having any kind of conversation with his father was the last thing he wanted, but he figured it would be better to rip the metaphorical Band-Aid off and be done with it as quickly as possible.

Stepping back and opening the door wider, Jack let James in before shutting the door and moving to lean against the kitchen counter, making it clear he wasn’t going to leave the room and give them privacy for which Mac was very grateful. “How did you know I was here?” Mac asked the first question that came to his mind.

“Good to see you too.” James replied wryly, putting his hands in his pockets. “I stopped by your house and when you weren’t there, this place was a pretty safe bet.”

“So, what do you want?” Mac asked, not wasting any time and wanting to get it over it.

“Straight to the point, I see.” James smirked. “But fine. I was just wondering if you’re done acting like a child.”

“Excuse me?” Mac arched his eyebrow, not surprised by his father’s tone – he had expected that this conversation would be anything but pleasant.

“As cute as it was, you throwing a tantrum and quitting, and then running away to Afghanistan…” James trailed away, rolling his eyes. “I think it’s time to be an adult again and come back to work, don’t you think?”

Breathing in through his nose, Mac forced himself to stay calm. “I meant what I said when I quit, I can’t work with someone I don’t trust. And my feelings towards you haven’t changed – I do not trust you.”

“Angus, let’s be rational here.” James raised his hands in a placating manner that had quite the opposite effect on Mac. “I’m trying here, trying to earn your trust and reconnect-“

“Are you really?” Mac cut him off. “Tell me one thing. If I haven’t started looking for you, if I haven’t showed up at your house… Would you ever reveal yourself?” One look at James’ face and his eyes told Mac everything he needed to know, no words necessary. “That’s what I thought.” Mac scoffed under his breath. “You were perfectly happy with the way things were, weren’t you?”

“I told you, Angus, I did it all to protect you.”

“Bullshit.” Mac spat out. “I’d maybe buy it if I was still a kid, but I am not. I’m more than capable of taking care of myself and I don’t need any protection, and you know that.” Mac continued. “If you truly cared about me and wanted to rebuild our relationship, you would have come clean about everything back when I started working at DXS. But instead, you stayed hidden in the shadows, controlling my life like I was just a damn prop to you.” Mac was on a roll now, not holding anything back. “Everything you’ve done, pulling some strings, pushing me in a certain direction, making me join the DXS, it wasn’t because you cared about me and wanted to keep me close, keep an eye on me.” Mac said, staring right into James’ eyes. “You did all of that because I was a valuable asset that you wanted working for you.” Mac looked at James challengingly, daring him to deny everything.

“I’ve put so much work into you.” James replied quietly, looking at Mac with narrowed eyes, and it seemed that James finally decided to stop playing games and show his true face. “And now you’re throwing it all away. I’ve never been more disappointed in you that I am in this moment, Angus.”

Managing to keep a neutral expression on his face, Mac ignored the way his father’s words had stung way more than they should. “This is your problem, not mine.” He said, proud of himself for keeping his voice steady. “I’m not coming back. And we’re done here.” Trusting Jack to show James his way out, Mac turned around and was about to walk out of the room when suddenly there was a hand on his left arm, and Mac couldn’t hold back the pained yelp that escaped from his lips when James gripped his hurt arm tightly and forcefully tugged him back to face him.

“Oh, we’re not done yet.” James’ grasp on Mac’s shoulder tightened and Mac had to grit his teeth to stop himself from letting out another pained sound. Even though it felt like time had stopped, it had been only a few seconds since James reached for him and before Mac knew what was happening, Jack was suddenly right next to them, grabbing James by his jacket and forcefully pulling him away, immediately stepping between James and Mac.

“Don’t you dare touch him.” Jack growled in a way that made shivers run down Mac’s spine.

“You know what, Angus, it’s really sad.” James ignored Jack, tilting his head to look at Mac over Jack’s shoulder, a cold smirk on his face. “I thought you were stronger than that, but you can’t even fight your own battles without your guard dog right by you side.” James said snidely. “And look at you, you tried running away to the Army, but you couldn’t even do that one thing right.” Mac suddenly felt his stomach drop, but he didn’t look away, holding James’ cold gaze. “You didn’t even last for the whole tour. I haven’t realized you were this pathetic, Angus.”

Feeling as if his breath was knocked out of him, Mac recoiled, taking a step back, but before he even had time to collect himself and think of any kind of response, suddenly Jack’s fist connected with James’ face, sending him stumbling backwards. Mac could see his father’s lips moving as he clutched his nose, blood seeping from between his fingers, he knew some words were probably being spoken, but he couldn’t hear anything other than the buzzing in his ears and the pounding of his heart.

And a string of words _weak pathetic weak pathetic_ ringing repeatedly in his head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave a comment if you enjoyed it! ♥


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!
> 
> There we are - the last chapter! I honestly can't believe this is really the end. When I first started writing this fic, I had no idea it would get so long and I also didn't expect to get such an amazing response from all of you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you so much for your support and amazing comments, they all meant the world to me.
> 
> Big thank you to [BlackVultures](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackVultures/pseuds/BlackVultures) \- I honestly don't think I would have managed to complete this fic without your constant support, I LOVE YOU. This chapter is for you.
> 
> I hope you all enjoy the last chapter! And who knows, maybe I'll write a one-shot or two set in this universe! We'll see.
> 
> I'll definitely be seeing you soon, I have a few fics planned already and I can't wait to start working on them.
> 
> Enjoy!

The moment Jack saw James MacGyver standing on the other side of the door, wearing a cold smirk on his lips, he knew his day was about to take a turn for the worse. As much as he wanted to just shut the door in his face, Jack reluctantly stepped away after receiving a small nod from Mac and let James in, eyeing him suspiciously and walking over to the kitchen to lean against the counter.

He sure as hell wasn’t going to leave Mac to deal with his father alone and when he saw Mac shoot him a grateful look that was so well concealed he was sure James would miss it, Jack knew he had made the right choice.

As soon as James started talking, Jack had to fight the urge to walk up to him and tell him exactly what a piece of garbage he was and maybe punch him, but he restrained himself, knowing Mac wouldn’t appreciate him trying to fight his battles for him. So Jack just settled for watching the confrontation, his fists clenched tightly, feeling the pride bloom in his chest as he listened to Mac calmly dismantling James’ wall of lies and deceptions, standing his ground and firmly looking James straight in the eye.

That was until Mac turned away from his father and James’ hand tightened around Mac’s hurt arm, tugging him backwards and eliciting a sharp cry of pain from Mac’s throat.

Rushing forward, Jack was by Mac’s side in a blink of an eye, grabbing James by his jacket and forcefully pulling him away from Mac. “Don’t you dare touch him.” He growled, immediately stepping between James and Mac, glaring at James with as much hatred as he could muster.

Completely ignoring him, James turned his head so he could look at Mac above Jack’s shoulder. “You know what, Angus, it’s really sad.” James said with a cold smirk on his face and a cruel look in his eyes. “I thought you were stronger than that, but you can’t even fight your own battles without your guard dog right by you side. And look at you, you tried running away to the Army, but you couldn’t even do that one thing right. You didn’t even last for the whole tour. I haven’t realized you were this pathetic, Angus.”

And Jack tried, he tried so hard to contain the fury he was feeling, but hearing that was the last straw.

Without a hesitation, Jack swung his arm, satisfaction spreading through his body when his fist connected with James’ nose with a sick cracking sound, sending him stumbling backwards.

“You son of a bitch.” James glared at Jack murderously, clutching his nose while blood seeped between his fingers. “You’re fired, Dalton, do you understand? You’re fired!”

Not caring in the slightest, Jack strode forward, grabbing James by his jacket and dragging him to the door, and he firmly kicked him outside.

“I can’t believe you just threw away your entire career for someone as worthless and useless as him.” James spat out and Jack had to clutch the doorframe to stop himself from lunging at him.

“Then you don’t know me at all. And if you show your face here again, I’m gonna break more than your nose.” Not waiting for James to reply, Jack shut the door in his face, immediately turning back to Mac to assess the damage.

Mac was standing in the middle of the room, completely still as if he had been frozen. His eyes were fixed on the spot where James had been standing and they were so blank and empty that it made Jack’s stomach drop. “Mac?” Jack asked, slowly walking up closer to his partner. “Mac?” He repeated, gently touching Mac’s arm, making Mac’s eyes snap in his direction, widening slightly as if Mac had woken up from some kind of trance. “You okay, buddy?”

“What? Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” Mac replied quickly. Too quickly. “That was quite an impressive punch back there.”

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that.” Jack winced. “I just couldn’t stand listenin’ to him any longer.”

“Oh, no, don’t apologize. It was very satisfying to see you do that.” Mac said with such a normal look on his face and in such a casual voice that it was _almost_ enough to fool Jack. Almost because apparently Mac was forgetting that Jack knew him very well and even though it was barely noticeable, Jack could see the tightness in Mac’s jaw and he could hear the barely audible strain in his voice. “I doubt you’ll be winning the award for being the employee of the month though.” Mac added and Jack could see that a few seconds later the realization dawned on Mac when he probably remembered Jack wasn’t any kind of employee anymore, and for the first time the perfect expression on his face faltered a little. “Damn, Jack, I’m really sor-“

“Mac, dude, it’s _fine._ ” Jack stressed. “It’s like I told ya, I don’t really care about that job if  don’t get to do it with you.” Seeing Mac open his mouth, Jack rolled his eyes. “Mac, seriously, it’s all good. What’s not good is all the shit your father said.” Jack started, looking at Mac carefully, searching his face for any kind of reaction. “You do know nothin’ he said is true, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” Mac waved his hand dismissively, already turning away to head back to the couch. “He just said it all to get a rise out of me, that’s all.”

Taking advantage of Mac not facing him, Jack briefly closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He knew Mac was lying, he could see it in his tensed shoulders and the small hints on his face that everyone else would surely miss, but if he confronted him about it right now, he knew Mac would deny everything and close off even more.

So as much as Jack hated it, he decided to play along.

“Alright then!” Jack clapped his hands, putting a smile on his face and using his cheerful voice. “So, how ‘bout we order some food? I’m starvin’, man.”

“I’m guessing your fridge is empty?” Mac grinned from where he was sitting on the couch, already reaching for his phone and Jack could see some tension leave his body when Mac probably realized that Jack wasn’t going to try and talk to him about James. For now. “What are we eating?”

“Why don’t you order whatever you want?” Jack offered, walking up to the coffee table and grabbing his own phone. “That reminds me, did you talk to Bozer today? ‘Cause I expected him to call in alarm when he realized you weren’t home when he woke up.”

“I left him a note before I left last night.” Mac said, looking thoughtfully at his phone. “But maybe I should check in with him.”

“You do that.” Jack nodded, grabbing his own phone. “And order our food, I’ll be right back.”

Leaving Mac in the living room, Jack stepped into his bedroom and closed the door behind him. Dialing the number on his phone, he sat down on his bed and waited, not surprised when the call connected only after two signals.

“You calling me on your day off was about the last thing I expected today, Jack.” Matty’s dry voice sounded in Jack’s ear. “What’s wrong?”

“Why do you assume something has to be wrong?”

“Because you’re calling me on your day off.” Matty replied in that one tone of voice that Jack would admit, terrified him a little. “What trouble did you get yourself into?”

“Well, in my defense, the trouble kinda showed up on my doorstep, so it’s not my fault.” Jack started. “And in case the news hasn’t reached you yet, I just wanted to let you know that I may have gotten myself fired.”

There was a silence on the line for a few seconds before Matty spoke again. “How on _earth_ did you manage to get yourself fired while you’re not actually working? Besides, I don’t recall firing-“ Matty suddenly paused and Jack figured she must have realized who else had the authority to make that kind of call. “Jack, what happened?”

Taking a deep breath, Jack forced himself to keep his voice calm. “Oversight paid us a visit not that long ago, saying he wanted to talk to Mac and... It didn’t go well.” Hearing nothing but silence, Jack took it as a hint to continue. “Things escalated pretty quickly, but Mac was handling it just fine himself, but then that bastard grabbed Mac’s injured arm and hurt him, he _hurt him_ , Matty.” Jack growled, his hand that wasn’t holding the phone clenching in a tight fist. “So I shoved him away.”

“That wouldn’t make him fire you.” Matty slowly said after a few seconds and when Jack didn’t say anything, Matty sighed. “Jack, what happened next?”

“After that, he called Mac weak and pathetic for getting his tour cut short.” Jack said quietly and he could hear Matty breathe in harshly through her nose. “So I punched him and kicked him out, threatening to break more than his nose if he dared to show up again.” Rubbing his eyes, Jack sighed. “I know what you’re gonna say, Matty, that I probably should have handled-“

“No, Jack.” Matty cut him off and Jack frowned as Matty’s voice turned darker, sounding almost exactly like it had after she had watched the video of Mac’s overwatch leaving him behind. “You did everything just right.” Blinking in surprise, Jack found himself speechless because he had kind of expected a different reaction. “I will take care of James. You just focus on Mac and making sure his mind doesn’t play any tricks on him. Understood?”

“Yes, ma’am.” Jack nodded even though she couldn’t see him and seconds later the line went dead. Glancing at his phone, Jack couldn’t help but let his lips quirk up in a smile – Matilda Webber was a very terrifying woman when she wanted to be (which was almost always) and Jack was genuinely curious what exactly she was planning to do, but whatever it was, Jack sure as hell hoped it would involve James MacGyver disappearing and never showing up in Mac’s life again.

Taking a deep breath and pushing the thoughts of James to the furthest corner of his mind, Jack got up from the bed and headed back the living room, plopping down on the couch just as Mac finished giving Jack’s address to the person that was taking his order. Jack didn’t need to hear the conversation to know that soon enough he should expect the delivery from Mac’s favorite pizza place that was not far from Jack’s apartment. Whenever Mac wasn’t feeling that great or had a lot on his mind, he would always order pizza, and Jack knew that Mac would subconsciously go for his comfort food even though right now he claimed he was just fine.

Really, Jack didn’t understand why Mac even bothered trying to lie to him, but well. Jack could be a patient man if he cared enough and in Mac’s case he cared _a lot_ , so he would wait for Mac to be ready to talk, giving him just enough time to mull over everything that had happened, but not enough to get lost in his head and twist everything into something that wasn’t true.

“Hey, Jack?” Mac’s quiet voice broke him out of his thoughts quicker than anything else and Jack hummed in response. “Can I stay here tonight as well?”

“Of course you can.” Jack grinned and after a moment the corners of Mac’s lips also turned up in a small smile. “You can stay here as long as you want.”

_Even forever if you want._

* * *

Snapping his eyes open, Jack stared at the ceiling in his dark living room, instantly on high alert. He wasn’t sure what actually woke him up, the apartment was completely quiet, but Jack had learned a long time ago that he didn’t wake up in that sudden, urgent way without a reason. Keeping his breathing calm and steady, Jack lied still, listening for any sound out of place and after a few seconds, there it was – a quiet whimper coming from behind the wall, almost immediately followed by a louder shout, and Jack was on his feet in an instant, rushing to his bedroom before his brain could even fully comprehend what was happening.

When Jack barged into the room, Mac was thrashing around in bed, his eyes still closed as he was obviously in a middle of a nightmare. “No, no, no, please, no.” Mac whimpered and Jack couldn’t remember ever hearing Mac sounding so scared and broken; actually when he thought about it, Jack had never seen Mac have a nightmare like that – usually Mac was tossing around for a bit before waking up with a silent gasp, but Jack had never seen him like that before. “No, please, Jack, no.” Mac’s broken voice sounded again and Jack’s heart dropped when he heard his name stumble from Mac’s lips. “No, don’t, take me instead, please, Jack, Jack!”

Rushing forward, Jack switched on the lamp on his nightstand before jumping onto the bed and grabbing Mac’s shoulders. “Mac, buddy, come on.” Jack squeezed his shoulders gently, trying to wake him up, but Mac kept struggling, fighting against his hold and flinging his right arm at him, but Jack ducked easily before grabbing Mac’s wrist and pinning it down. “Mac!” Jack called out again, louder this time, and suddenly Mac’s eyes snapped open, wide with fear and panic, so incredibly blue and shining with tears. “Hey, hey, it’s me, buddy, it’s me.” Jack said soothingly, keeping his voice calm and suddenly he felt like he was back in Texas at the family ranch, talking to a spooked horse.

Breathing raggedly, Mac stopped moving, blinking a few times before looking at Jack with a clearer gaze. “Jack.” He breathed out after a moment and after Jack loosened his grip on Mac’s wrist, Mac reached forward, touching Jack’s face with his hand. “You’re okay, they didn’t… You’re okay.” Mac muttered under his breath, sounding as he was reassuring himself.

“I’m just fine, buddy.” Jack said softly, keeping still and as Mac brushed his fingers slowly against the stubble on his jaw. “It was just a nightmare, I’m okay.”

“You’re okay.” Mac repeated again, letting his hand drop and Jack pretended not to be bothered by the sudden loss of the warm touch. As he kneeled beside Mac, Jack didn’t say anything, waiting for Mac to make his next move, knowing Mac didn’t like showing his vulnerability like that and not wanting to do anything that could upset him even further. “Jack?” Mac said after a moment, his voice quiet and unsure.

“Yeah?”

“Can you…” Mac started, trailing off, but Jack waited patiently for Mac to get out whatever he wanted to ask him. “Can you stay?”

“Of course.” Jack heard himself replying even though his brain kind of went into shock – out of many possibilities, he hadn’t considered that one, but it didn’t matter; whatever Mac needed, Jack would do it. Turning the lamp off, he lied down on his back and almost instantly Mac shifted closer, rolling on his right side and carefully putting his left hand on top of Jack’s chest, right above his heart. Jack was pretty sure his heart was pounding like crazy because he was lying in bed with his partner that he had been in love for years, and Mac had his nose pressed against Jack’s shoulder, his hand heavy on his chest, and Jack still couldn’t believe it was actually happening. In that moment Jack couldn’t help but remember his talk with Riley and wonder if maybe, just maybe, she actually had been right about Mac returning his feelings. It sounded impossible, but Jack knew Riley was almost never wrong and on top of that, Mac snuggling against him kind of seemed to corroborate her theory.

Listening to Mac’s breathing slowly even out, Jack relaxed against the mattress, closing his eyes and finding himself slowly drifting away, much quicker than he usually would have. As much as Jack tried to justify that by being exhausted, deep down he knew he was lying to himself and that the reason for falling asleep so easily was the warmth of the body lying right next to him and the hand placed securely on his chest.

But nobody else needed to know that.

* * *

_Jack was running._

_He was running as fast as he could, the sound of his footsteps against the ground almost as loud as Riley’s voice in his ear, yelling at him to run faster. Passing one container after the other, Jack raced through the dock, not caring about his surroundings, everything else forgotten except for one thing._

_Mac._

_Listening to Riley shouting directions through the comms, Jack took a sharp turn, almost stumbling when he saw Mac’s unmoving body lying on the ground. “NO!” Jack yelled, sprinting towards him and falling to his knees by Mac’s side, terror spreading through him when he saw blood, so much blood, pooling around Mac. “Mac, Mac, buddy, open your eyes.” Jack pressed his shaking hands tightly against the wound on Mac’s abdomen. “Can you hear me, Mac? Mac!” Slowly, Mac blinked his eyes open. “That’s it, Mac, stay with me.”_

_“Jack…” Mac breathed out, groaning when Jack put more pressure on his wound, and Jack didn’t even bother trying to stop the tears from running down his cheeks._

_“Shh, you’re gonna be just fine.” Jack said desperately, panic flooding his body when he saw Mac’s eyes drop. “No, Mac, you have to keep your eyes open, please. Stay with me, please, Mac.” Jack begged, his vision blurring because of the tears, Mac’s warm blood coating his hands while he tried to stop the bleeding. It was all his fault, he never should have left Mac’s side, Mac had gotten shot because Jack wasn’t there to watch his back. And Jack had been too slow, he should have gotten there sooner because Mac was bleeding out, the light of Jack’s life was fading away right in front of him and there was nothing Jack could do to stop it._

_“No, no, Mac, please.” Jack whispered as Mac blinked one last time before his eyes closed and his head lolled to his side. “NO!” Jack howled, the sobs wracking his entire body as he tried searching for Mac’s pulse, but finding nothing. Mac was dead, Mac was dead and it was all Jack’s fault, Mac was dead…_

Gasping, Jack opened his eyes, his heart pounding widely as he realized he was in his bedroom, his dark ceiling being a very familiar sight after many sleepless nights Jack had spent in his bed. Breathing harshly, Jack tried to get rid of the image of Mac’s lifeless body that was still burned into his mind which was why he didn’t even realize there was a movement by his side, and suddenly the room was enveloped by the faint light from his bedside lamp, and Mac was leaning over him with a worried expression on his face. As he stared into his blue eyes, it took Jack a few seconds to remember what had happened that night so far, Mac having a nightmare of his own, asking Jack to stay and pressing closely when Jack obliged without hesitation.

“Jack? You okay?” Mac asked, one of his hands resting on Jack’s chest as he looked at him in concern.

“Man, we’re really not havin’ a great night, are we?” Jack chuckled bitterly. Pushing himself up, he shifted and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes tiredly, the remains of the nightmare still lingering around his mind. A few seconds later after some shuffling behind Jack’s back, Mac sat down on his left, their thighs brushing and Jack did his damn best not to think about it.

“Want to talk about it?” Mac offered quietly after a moment.

“There ain’t much to talk about, man.” Jack shrugged. He wasn’t usually one to talk about his nightmares and bother others with them, but as much as he hated to admit it, the last few months had taken a toll on him too. He was tired, so tired, and Mac was right there next to him, so it all just… slipped out. “It’s always the same, you get hurt and you die because I wasn’t there to help you or I wasn’t fast enough.”

Mac was silent for a moment and when Jack glanced at him, Mac had the same look on his face he always had when he was trying to figure something out. “How long have you been having nightmares like that?”

“Since you left, every night.” Jack admitted. “Actually, I’ve been having them for years, but never as often. The scenarios change, but the outcome is always the same.” He sighed. “I hoped they would cease after I got you back home, but nope, they’re regular like damn clockwork.”

“I’m so sorry.” Mac said quietly, guilt lacing his voice. “I never thought about that.”

“Hey, Mac, it’s not your fault.” Jack rushed to say – the last thing he needed was Mac blaming himself for something that was completely out of his control. “Not your fault that my subconscious decided to deal with me missing you in a very fucked up way.” Realizing what he had said, Jack gave Mac a weak smile. “Because I really did miss you, man. A lot.”

“I missed you too.” Mac replied right away and Jack’s heart twitched. “Probably way more than it’s actually healthy.”

“What do you mean?” Jack frowned, looking at Mac who was staring at one point on the floor, fiddling with his fingers.

“It didn’t take long for me to realize that being there in the Sandbox was going to be much more difficult… without you. Much harder than I had anticipated.” Mac quietly said and Jack’s eyes widened. “So whenever I felt alone or something was going wrong, I found myself thinking of you and your voice. Not the best habit, I know, but it was the only way to quiet the noise in my head and make myself calm enough to deal with whatever was happening.” Sighing, Mac ran his fingers through his hair. “Which only means my father was right.”

“Hell, no.” Jack instantly shook his head, his brain still reeling from Mac had just said, but he pushed through it. “Nothin’ he said yesterday was true, Mac.”

“Jack, he had a point.” Mac said, sounding angry and if Jack had to guess, that anger wasn’t even directed at James; it was directed at Mac himself. “Look at me, I didn’t even get through a half of my tour.”

“Hey, hey.” Jack immediately protested. “It wasn’t your fault that you got hurt. And you got honorably discharged, man, there’s nothin’ wrong with that. It doesn’t make you weak.”

“Maybe not, but being happy about going home does.” Mac said quietly. “When you told me I was going home, you have no idea how relieved I was. And that’s wrong.” Jack was about to object, but Mac beat him to it. “Let me finish, please?” Reluctantly, Jack nodded, gesturing at Mac to continue. “I haven’t told you that, but… when I got called to the first IED during this tour, it was about two weeks after I got deployed, I… something happened.” His heart tightening, Jack watched as Mac fiddled with his fingers, waiting patiently for him to continue. “The bomb was very simple, easy to disarm and I was about to cut the wire when… I completely froze and my hands started trembling. I couldn’t move and I couldn’t breathe and… I was scared. You know what snapped me out of it?” Mac asked with a sigh. “You. Your voice sounding in my head, telling me to disarm the damn thing and get the hell out of there. So I did.”

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Jack ignored his pounding heart. “Well, I do give a good piece of advice every now and then.”

“When we were driving back to the base I understood how badly I fucked up.” Mac chuckled humorlessly. “I knew right then that I made a mistake coming back and that was when I realized that I was an idiot, thinking I could do it all by myself without… without you.” Mac said, his voice stuttering as he stared ahead, refusing to look at Jack. “And ever since all I’ve wanted was to go back home. Tell me how it doesn’t make me weak.”

“It doesn’t make you weak, Mac.” Jack instantly shook his head. “Mac, listen to me. You may have wanted to go home, you may have struggled with bein’ there, but you pushed through. You pushed through and you got up every day, and you went out there and defused god knows how many IEDs.” Jack leaned in closer, trying to catch Mac’s gaze. “Man, from where I’m standing, it only proves that you’re one of the strongest people that I know.”

Jack could see Mac take a deep breath, probably mulling over everything Jack had said, and then Mac turned his head to look at Jack, and suddenly Mac’s face was much closer than Jack had expected. He was about to lean back and put some space between them before he did something stupid, but then he saw Mac’s eyes flick down to his lips, just for one second, but it was enough to make Jack throw all caution to the wind. Before he could overthink it and talk himself out of it, Jack cupped Mac’s face with his right hand and closed the distance between them, pressing his lips against Mac’s.

Before Jack could even start wondering if he had just fucked everything up between them, Mac started kissing him back, his hands moving to grip Jack’s shoulders as Mac shifted closer, making Jack unable to form any coherent thoughts. Moving his hand from Mac’s face, Jack tangled his fingers in Mac’s sleep-mussed hair, tugging it lightly and making Mac let out a deep groan that made Jack shiver. Slipping his tongue between Mac’s lips, Jack deepened the kiss, wrapping his left arm around Mac’s waist and pulling him even closer, and it wasn’t until Mac hissed against his lips, a sound that definitely had nothing to do with pleasure, that Jack remembered Mac’s broken ribs. “Shit, Mac, are you oka-“

“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” Mac cut him off, moving his hand to the back of Jack’s neck and pulling him to crash their lips together again. Before Jack could even react, Mac suddenly shifted and threw his leg over Jack’s thighs, climbing on his lap and wrapping his arms around Jack’s neck. Moving his hands to Mac’s sides to steady him, Jack groaned when Mac deepened the kiss using the new angle and then Jack saw stars when Mac rolled his hips down, their already half-hard cocks brushing through the thin material of their boxers.

So lost in the feeling of Mac’s lips against his and Mac grinding his hips down, it took a moment for Jack’s brain to catch up, but once it did, he reluctantly broke the kiss and pulled away. “Mac, Mac, wait.” He gasped and turned his head when Mac chased his lips, making him whine in displeasure. “Look, as much as I love where this is going… Broken ribs and that don’t really mix, man.”

“Well.” Mac started, looking at Jack with fire in his eyes and that wicked smile that always appeared on his face when Mac was about to blow something up. “Just don’t put too much pressure on them and we’re golden.” Not giving Jack a chance to respond, Mac kissed him again, sliding his tongue between Jack’s lips and rolling his hips again, and Jack couldn’t help but moan, the sound immediately swallowed by Mac who was kissing him like there was no tomorrow.

Knowing he was seconds away from losing the remains of the common sense he had left, Jack tried to focus and he gripped Mac’s hips tightly. “Mac, stop.” Jack whispered hoarsely against Mac’s lips and there must have been something in his voice because Mac stilled almost immediately. Seeing Mac’s swollen lips and his eyes full of lust, it was hard not to pull Mac back in, but Jack tried not to think about it, concentrating on the reason why he had stopped. “Look, we both know I’m not usually the reasonable one, but… we can’t do this, Mac.”

“Jack-“ Mac started, but Jack pressed a quick, chaste kiss to his lips to shut him up, pulling back before things could escalate again. Keeping his hands on Mac’s hips, Jack started rubbing Mac’s skin right above the waistband of his boxers with his thumb, finding the motion was helping him focus.

“Hear me out?” Jack waited for Mac to nod before continuing. “Let me just start by sayin’ that there’s nothin’ more I’d love than to continue this, but, Mac… this ain’t right. Not like this, man.” Taking a deep breath, Jack looked up into Mac’s eyes. “I don’t wanna rush this. Not with you. And even though you claim to be just fine, I know that you’re not.” The fact that Mac wasn’t denying it spoke volumes. “You’re not okay and I just… I don’t want you to regret doing somethin’ to forget about that mess in your head while you weren’t quite ready for it or it wasn’t somethin’ you really wanted. I would never forgive myself for that, Mac.” Suddenly, Mac was leaning down, kissing him again, but this time it was different. It wasn’t a rough and messy kiss like before, it was slow and sweet, Mac’s soft lips moving against Jack’s as Mac placed one hand on Jack’s neck while the other cupped Jack’s face gently, Mac’s thumb softly caressing his skin.

When Mac pulled away a moment later, he was looking at Jack with such a tender expression on his face that it made Jack’s breath stutter. “I would never regret doing anything with you.” Mac said quietly, running his fingers against Jack’s stubble with a soft smile. “But you’re right. You deserve better than this.”

“That’s not what I said.” Jack argued, but Mac only smiled wider, kissing him again.

“No, but that’s what I’m saying.” Mac whispered against his lips before leaning back. “And this is where I should also tell you that all of this?” Mac gestured at the two of them before going back to running his fingers gently against Jack’s jaw. “It wasn’t something to make me forget about my issues. It’s…” Mac trailed off with a sigh, looking vaguely annoyed at himself. “I’m not good with feelings, you know that. But I’m willing to try my damn best for you, so…” Mac closed his eyes for a moment and Jack held his breath, aware of how wildly his heart was pounding. “I love you, Jack. I have for years.”

Hearing the words stumble from Mac’s lips, Jack felt like he was dreaming and for a few seconds he was sure he was about to wake up any second. When it didn’t happen, Jack realized Mac was looking at him hesitantly, so he instantly pulled him down into another quick kiss before Mac could do something stupid like think Jack didn’t feel the same way.

“Well.” Jack couldn’t help but smile widely after pulling away, feeling lighter than he had in years. “Subtle ain’t exactly my forte, but in case it wasn’t obvious… I love you too. More than anything.” As he looked into Mac’s eyes that were shining with pure affection, Jack couldn’t remember the last time he felt this happy. “But, man, as much as I love you, my back is killing me, so. Wanna lie down?” Jack grinned, his heart doing a flip in his chest when Mac’s laughed loudly; it was one of Jack’s favorite sounds in the whole world.

Waiting for Mac to slid of his lap, Jack crawled back to the middle of the bed, lying on his side and seconds later Mac joined him, mirroring Jack’s position so they were facing each other. “I’m really sorry, Jack.” Mac suddenly said, his voice quiet, reaching for Jack’s hand and entwining it with his own, and Jack frowned.

“About what?”

“About leaving. About re-enlisting and not telling you about it. It’s just…” Mac trailed off, absentmindedly playing with Jack’s fingers. “Back then I felt like that was the only option that made sense.”

“Look, man.” Jack squeezed Mac’s hand. “I’m not gonna lie and tell you that it didn’t hurt or that I understood why you decided to go back. But it’s all in the past, Mac. You don’t have to apologize for that.”

“I do.” Mac smiled softly and Jack was once again in awe of how lovingly Mac was looking at him. “Because you deserve to know the whole truth about me leaving.” Taking a stuttering breath, Mac’s gaze travelled down to their entwined hands. “When I discovered the truth about Oversight… I felt as if my whole world crumbled around me. I couldn’t tell if my entire life was just one big lie orchestrated by him or not and it just… I didn’t know what was real anymore.” As Jack listened to Mac talk, he had to fight the urge to get up and find James MacGyver just so he could punch him again. Or worse. “I just felt… lost. So I decided to re-enlist, hoping that maybe doing that and leaving for a while would help. I also knew that it was something Oversight couldn’t have planned, so I probably also did it a little bit out of spite.” Wincing, Mac sighed and Jack could tell Mac wasn’t done yet, so he waited patiently. He also noticed how Mac referred to his father only as Oversight and he made a mental note to remember that. “It wasn’t until I got to the Sandbox, until that first bomb incident that I realized that while I had felt lost here in LA, it was even worse back there. Because I was an idiot and decided to leave behind the only person that’s able to keep me from breaking down or pick up the pieces if I had already fallen apart.” Looking into Jack’s eyes, Mac gave him a small smile. “That person is you in case that wasn’t clear enough.”

“I was kinda hoping you’d say that.” Jack grinned while his heart went crazy for the umpteenth time in a very short time and Jack couldn’t help but wonder how the hell he managed to get so lucky. “Mac, look.” Jack started, reaching with his free hand to tuck a lonely strand of Mac’s hair behind his ear. “I know that you feel like you’ve been just a prop in Oversight’s show, but you need to understand one thing. While he might have pulled some strings and planned some things, he’s not capable of controlling feelings. Not yours, not mine, not anyone’s.” Rubbing Mac’s hand softly with his thumb, Jack inched closer, so that their noses were almost touching. “And you need to know that all the people you surrounded yourself with? That was all you, Mac, Oversight had nothin’ to do with that. He didn’t make little young Bozer look at you and decide that ‘hey, that one will be my friend’. After we got Riley outta prison, he didn’t make her start trusting you and let you in. And man, you know there ain’t no one in the world capable of forcing Matty to do anything. She didn’t start caring about you because Oversight made her, she did that on her own. Did you know that she’s the only reason I got a call from the base right after you went missing?” Seeing Mac’s eyes widen in shock, Jack smiled softly. “Yeah, turns out she put some kind of instruction in your file right after you left that said that if anything happened to you, I was to be notified immediately.”

“I had no idea.” Mac said quietly, obviously stunned as he looked at Jack in bewilderment.

“Me neither, not until I got that call from the base.” Jack raised their joined hands and pressed a soft kiss against Mac’s wrist. “And finally, we have me. Mac, Oversight might have had a hand in us being paired up together, but he didn’t make me sign up for another tour to stay with you. He didn’t make me realize one day that suddenly I didn’t find you annoying anymore.” Grinning at Mac’s scoff, Jack cupped Mac’s face with his free hand. “And he sure as hell didn’t make me fall in love with you.” Leaning in, Jack pressed a chaste kiss in the corner of Mac’s mouth. “All of that happened because of _you_ , Mac. You’re the one that made us all want to have you in our lives. You’re your own person, darlin’, and nothin’ Oversight did or does is ever gonna change that.”

Seeing Mac swallow down harshly and blink quickly a few times, Jack wiped a lone tear that dared to roll down Mac’s cheek despite his best efforts to keep the tears at bay. “Have I told you that I really love you?” Mac whispered after a moment, making Jack’s chest fill with sudden warmth.

“You may have mentioned somethin’.” Jack murmured, pulling Mac closer. “But I’ll never get tired of hearing it.”

“Good.” Mac smiled, his eyes glinting happily and Jack was convinced he had never seen anything as beautiful as Mac in that moment. “Because I don’t plan on stopping saying it.”

“Fine by me.” Jack breathed out before closing the distance between them, pouring all of his love into the kiss. Letting go of Mac’s hand in favor of tangling it in his hair, Jack gently wrapped his right arm around Mac, placing his hand on the small of Mac’s back and carefully pulling him closer. As he deepened the kiss, he could feel Mac wrap his arms around his neck and entwine their legs together, and with their bodies pressed so tightly together and all of his senses dominated by Mac, Jack couldn’t remember the last time he felt this connected to another person and so complete.

As if all the missing puzzles pieces had finally fallen into their place.

* * *

“Dude, I can hear the gears turnin’ in that brain of yours.” Jack’s teasing voice brought Mac out of his thoughts and when he glanced to his left, Jack was completely relaxed in the driver’s seat, one hand on the steering wheel while the other was entwined with Mac’s on the console between them.

“I’m just wondering why Matty called and asked us to meet at the Phoenix, that’s all.” Mac shrugged, trying to ignore the tight knot in his stomach.

It had been three days since they had gotten back from Afghanistan, two since Mac’s biggest dream had come true, and while he still had trouble believing that Jack actually returned his feelings and loved him back, he definitely wasn’t going to complain. The past two days had been amazing, filled with kisses and gentle touches, and Mac was the happiest he had ever been.

But then Matty had called, asking if he and Jack would meet with her at the Phoenix. And Mac hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since had answered the phone.

“Whatever it is, it’s gonna be just fine.” Jack squeezed his hand, keeping his eyes on the road. “When I asked her, she assured me Oversight wouldn’t even be in the building while we’re there, so we’re good, man.”

After Jack parked the car in the Phoenix underground garage, Mac let go of his hand so they could both get out of the car, but he didn’t even manage to take two steps before Jack slipped his hand back into his with a grin and a wink that immediately eased the worry in Mac’s stomach. On their way to the war room, they passed the armory where they ran into the same tac team that had come with Jack to Afghanistan and they all smiled at them, nodding in a greeting. What was confusing however, was the smirk that appeared on the face of the team leader, Brooks, when his eyes fell on their entwined hands, but he didn’t say anything. As they kept walking, Mac shot Jack a confused look when they heard Brooks yelling something to his teammates about paying up, but Jack just shrugged, so Mac let it go.

When they reached the war room, Matty was already there waiting for them. “Good to see you again, Blondie.” She smiled before arching her eyebrow when she noticed their hands. “And I’m glad you finally figured that out.” Exchanging the look with Jack, Mac couldn’t help but smile – he was glad too. “You’re probably wondering why I called you here.” Matty started and Mac’s eyes immediately snapped back to her. “First of all, I’d like to you to know that yesterday James MacGyver officially resigned from his position as Oversight.”

“What?!” Jack exclaimed while Mac could only stare at Matty, speechless. “How is that possible?”

“He had received another job offer.” Matty replied with something hard in her eyes and suddenly Mac had a feeling Matty definitely had something to do with that; there was no way James would have resigned on his own. “It’s classified, but all you need to know is that it’s far away and in no way related to the Phoenix Foundation.”

“Who’s replacing him?” Mac asked, finally finding his voice.

“No one.” Matty said and Mac raised his eyebrows in surprise. “It had been decided that as original as it was, that position isn’t really needed. From now on there will be no Oversight, making the director of the Phoenix Foundation completely in charge of running this circus.”

“That means you, boss lady.” Jack said with a grin and Mac himself also couldn’t help but smile.

“That’s right.” Matty nodded, a small smile appearing on her face. “Jack, since James didn’t manage to file any paperwork before he left, that means you’re still formally employed. As for you, Mac…” Matty said, turning her gaze to Mac. “I’d like to offer you your job back. If you want it.”

Breathing out, Mac glanced at Jack who was looking at him with a smile and all the love in his eyes. “It’s up to you, partner.” Jack squeezed his hand. “You go, I go. You stay, I stay. You go kaboom, I go kaboom.”

Looking into Jack’s dark eyes, Mac knew that Jack had meant every word and it was comforting to know that whatever he chose to do, Jack would be by his side for every step of the way. But also, deep down, Mac knew that the Phoenix Foundation was where he belonged, with Jack and with the rest of their little family.

His beloved dysfunctional wolf pack.

Smiling widely, Mac turned his gaze back to Matty. “I want to come back.”

“Hell yeah!” Jack grinned, pulling Mac closer and kissing his cheek. “We’re back, baby!”

Not able to stop the laugh from bubbling out of his chest, Mac looked around the war room before his gaze drifted back to Jack, drawn to him like a magnet. Jack who was also laughing and looking so damn happy, making Mac’s heart burst with joy.

Yeah, he was exactly where he was supposed to be.

He was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please, leave the comment if you liked it! ♥


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